Because im stupid

Since i dreamt about you few times recently.. seeing different girls in each.. it hurts me way too much. I guess i just missed you?

But at this moment i felt like stabing my self... i know it is very wrong to have sent you any text...but im sorry i cannot hold it. I gave you that song .. hoping that you might gonna like it ? But till that i feel uneasy till now. It was delivered tho. And i was like... what the heck are you doing sean??? ... urghhhh this is killing me..

 I dont know why did i do that. I know you must have lol-ed at me now right?

Anyway... i dont wanna give a damn what you might gonna assume about me. I just wanna share what i like tho. Either you listened to it or just had deleted it... im glad it was delivered.

By the way ... i hope the best of u now. I know i will never be the girl u want. Too many flaws. But what we ever had ... imma bring it to my grave... take care .

*sigh*

Again and again

Should i keep myself here?  i dont know. Its hurts to be me. Serizawa finds me back and apologized.

Apologized and then i dont know. I dont know if it considered that we made up and fix things up.

I just dont know.. his problem hasnt settle yet.and im actually about to get use with my loner busy life ... before he finds me back.

I dont want to be another person's shadow. If he wants me for real...he could have done more . Not money not stuff or luxuries . Nope. I got my own money . I just want him to know how to treat a girl righfully.

I gave us space . And time for own self.  I know i am not going anywhr. So i dont think he have to be worried about my whereabout. I dont know about him. He could have anybody else he want. He got what it takes.  I dont know anymore. Yet still im staying.

Gaah... sy la perempuan paaaaaaaaling budu d sabah.. sebab sy tidak tau mau bagi orang lain peluang.  sy memang mcm ni. Mau satu ja.. yg sy mau .. itu la seja yg sy syg.Huzmate even said so.yg mau sy . . Sy tolak... yg mau x mau sy.   Tu pula yg sy mau....bahHa... jadi andartu la ni kan sean ??,

 Haih.. cakap betul kan.. priority sy bulan lalu actually suda tukar. And i almost achieved my monthly goal. Sy berjaya earn some saving and get what i need for my health and needs. I managed to make my mummy smiled and fixed our relation in the house.but dunno la... mcm sy ada distraction sikit trus bulan ni mcm gini lagi balik.. i think too much bah ni.

So i took myself away from hectic city for two weeks.spent some quality times with my family.seriously.... betul cakap my gf. . Dont keep yourself too attached with anybody else except your own family. They are the core of everything . Strength for example.

Sy rasa heaven bila dekat sma family. Tp my sister nda dpt bsama kami.thats bad. Daddy even more. Been years since we never meet anymore. I have a sad family tree but i appreciate what i still have here.

Now my goal ? Is to help my mummy.. and be happy with my life. Serizawa and me. I dont know if he really want to do this. sy boleh stick sama dia  ..he knows how i am. But i dont know if he could do the same. Nope.. i dont wanna expect anything.  I moved on from the past . Even it lingers in my mind sometimes. I know now how to endure the pain.

Sy namau benda remeh yg negative ganggu sy.

Well i hope serizawa knows. I dont mind if he choose other girl juga.   Sy mau simple thing seja. Once u got other choice.. count me  out.

;)

 But now we're fine. I just go w d flow. ada. .ada la.. teda... teda la..

 I love what i got...i love what i had.  .. i love what i ever had and still have.  Appreciate. Dari dulu lagi ni ja sy simpan dlm kepala otak sy. Teda sudah sy tau buat selain ni  . Kan sy budu. Haha. Blah. Ok la puas liao me merapu. Actually sy mau cakap semua tp biarla.. kumpul2 dlu ni budu kan . Haha  ciaoz