Woot Woot ~~!!

HEYYYYY ! i get the job , oh yeah uh huh oh yeah *wiggle wiggle ~~ ^__^ 

it's like i'm on the cloud 9 by now *jumpy heart !

ahhahaa been called by the office just now and they said i could start working by tomorrow ^_^ BOOYAH!!

but my prob is transportation ! 
i cannot get to go there by bus and i dont feel so good asking my uncle to send and fetch me from my workplace. 

aiyaaahh .... thinking thinking*

i get that job and now i face another problem == 

need to move out from my current location then ... need to find another place which is a lot more nearer to that workplace than my current place. 
..

hemm ... 

i gotta discuss it with my uncle's family then.. they get to know where am i living now and really worried of me staying alone. but i am more comfortable with that way ++ .. but then now they asked me to move in their house temporarily which i dont really agree but then i just follow without refusing .. sigh*

now its up to me how to decide about this...

hopefully tonight my uncle can get home fast or my cousin ... and we could discuss about it .. i felt kinda suffocated juga.... i wanna work wanna work wanna work ... :DDD

fingers crossed !

Awfully Bored

Its been days and i realized how boring my life is till i have no any stuff to be a story in my blog.. i know blogging is about everything but yeah i am bored of being a sad human and been thru a sad life. fuck this . 

i wanna get out of this body .

haihh ...apa pun sa mo share moment yg tertinggal ...masa2 sa praktikal sampai bulan ini ...boleh jadi story juga bah tu kan ??? ehehhe so here goes nothing :)

introducing , Karim... patung itik c mahani ...sa suka ni patung coz lucu nama dia.. .karim karim karim :) bwahahaha

ada dinner kena buat spesel untuk kami practical members during our last day practical ..sedap ...n siok kena bagi penghargaan cam nie... kenyang :) 

Our dirty little secret during the whole second to third year in study :3

itik c lala.... kecil seja...but i managed to snap in a close up ...sa suka ni itik... keut,

the forgotten story i told before.... ini la wedding ronald and doreen ...cantik kan doorang? 

another :: 

the toast ~ 

my precious.... too bad my dear twin popoey is not around that time :(

the meow carpet at ajin's house..thats his feet

(freezer installation  moment)

yuyu, she always wakes me up every morning all the whole five days i am spending there... sa suka dia bawa2 makanan bagi sa...aunty tuniiii dia cakap ~~~ and see this candy wrapper...something is REALLY wrong with the design ... :) 

ini la modification yang sa cakap tu kami dua buat...bumper and bonnet dia tukar... he imported them from japan..dua bulan baru sampai ...avy mira nama tu bonnet ...see the difference with basic designed viva.. 

taken while we staying downstairs . 

lastly...this is taken during sa pigi church tadi .. NEW NOTE!!! cantik kan ? rm20 ... orange warna dia

so ...tu la story sa sepanjang bulan .... 

boring tapi least i can remember each of them 

sa nda sangka time sa practical ... banyak benda suda jadi di kk... kejadian di airport tu depan mata sa nampak ...hurm .. biar la kamu ..

sa okay seja..

i appreciated every moment now... i am glad God gave me the strength to fight .. and to hold. :) 

iloveeverybody.. 

ciaozzz

Nervous juga oh.

Omg Omg.... 


sa ada interview untuk hari esok lagi >..< 


nervous nervous... 


sa pernah kerja and pernah pg interview mcm2 ...tp yg mau bawa resume etc etc. .. belum pernah pula.. .goshhh 


im an adult now// baru sa sedar... 


i hope i could make it tomorrow.. >..< sangat nervous


God bless me. Amen. :)

Thank You Lord

sebab semalam saya tidur satu orang... .and blackout, but saya tidak terbangun and therefore i am not scared. despite of my fear to the darkness, i feel so protected by You all the way im sleeping my night off. 

its weird and amazing how You done your work on us homosapiens, but i cannot doubt how merciful You are . 

i always fall and fall and keep falling, but when i prayed and talk to You i feel so calm and i can easily forgive the people that always hurt me. 

but dear Lord, i wanna give thanks to You because of all the wonderful things you gave to me... you sent me wonderful friends, blessed family, and a simple easy life... thank you for making my eat and sleep adequate. 

I LOVE YOU.

thank you for every lesson that You gave to me every single day .Thank You for being there and thank You for never leaving me, for i am a sinner and i stray from the path that You wanted to lead me. 

duihhh ... entah kenapa sa masih boleh tersenyum ... How amazing is our God.. maybe if sa lose anything pun by now, i could still accept it and smile.. 

and move on ..


feel so blessed today ~ despite of all the vain that i felt on this hypocrite world.

good morning Saturday ^_^ Glad am still breathing :) <3

Gullible

:) ... FIVE days in a row stayed at his place is really something to me. 

I've seen ,i've feel and i've been there. 

sa ternampak hidden files ko ... and like u said its not her only.saw it with my own eyes.

boo. 

i can do anything if i want, but i cant do bad things to you no matter how you broke my heart.


sa cuma mau bersyukur sebab sa ada sana,... sa ada dengan ko ... and sa buat yg the best sa boleh bagi untuk ko . 

watching you happily doing your car thingy from A to Z,  eating the meal i cooked for you, went out to bazar together, hanging out, staying up and etc etc..

i am glad i share all my times to you . although you didnt.

big girls dont really cry anymore... i kept that in mind and people always said dont cry for the person that did not even worth or ur smile. 

ohwell maybe i just holding on for toooooo long, way too long till i forgot to love myself. 

its just you camouflaged all your doings by ur hugs n kisses and all your epic words. 
..

i dont know how many girls that have heard that same words from you , can you tell me ???

blah.. 

nevertheless, im still being so gullible  by you. 

and i dont know why u said im different from them.

bah eya seja la .. this game is boring and i dont wanna play it anymore. 


sa penat. 


but thanks for being there, took care of me and loved me hypocritely . 

i think so .


coz if you could share your love with few girls... and said you dont love them , but what i saw in those albums are totally different. 

i dont know. that is your own thing. i wont bother. becuz im enough being so disturbed with insomnia and digestion problem this past few months.


i dont have anything to regret for. nothing to lose. i own nothing. 

:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) .. puasssss sa berbual sama kawan2 sa .. they dont know me but they cared about me.

apa pun sa mau thank you sama Tuhan sebab hari2 bagi sa lesson and situation yg makin buka mata sa.. 

i know you will open your eyes too, some other day .

ko enjoy lah dulu ... if im still there, i will be there for you still .. 
if not, u got other spares right? 

wo de xin li zhi you ni , dan ni de xin li you hen duo . .. wo ye bu liao jie ni. 


i dont think you will gonna realise it in a short time. but u will, i  believe someday .

now sa mo spend time sama ko and appreciate seja tu masa... i know God had planned something for me out there.. 





meanwhile.. sa bersyukur sebab still dapat spend time sama ko hari2. he he . yeah go for chabey . she needs you . go for nonong, she admires you . go for aenister, she wants you . go for e'na. . lol i can say this to you a thousand time if you wont be so loud to me. *scream*
im outta here. bye. 

Yang kemarin ba.

Yesterday , VEEEERY early in the morning,after we woke up and took shower and etc, he brought me to Srimaju but i said drop me off to 1borneo instead, and he said if you can wait for me, we will eat breakies together. 

so i decided to wait. walked around the mall... and sat at the corner of McD's restaurant. sa mula breakies dgn flavor twist seja... 2 hours later he came, and we ate breakfast at CFC's. 

He said sorry for make me waited that long. ...i just smiled.. dia nda sedar ka sa pernah wait dia lebih lama before that ? .. yea, NO. 

then we  went  to the car park . 

he showed his stuff..

 Mira bonnet imported from Japan and another one is bumper cover. he was so excited and cannot wait to install it..

 so he bought some tools and we went to UA... started to do the make over. 

i became his handy man and he'll install the thing on his car. 

too bad kemarin sa punya hp teda betry sudah... i wanna share how cute that car has became after the transformation . 

so we went to the park and stayed long there .  

he asked if i wanted to stay at his place tonight , since my place and his is like from hujung ke hujung.. but i said just send me to the terminal ..

but he refuse... and he eventually sent me home too .. kinda touched with that. 

said he need to see his parents too, so he wont be staying there tonight. 

kissed my forehead and he went off. 

after that i clean myself and eat dinner alone.. prayed hard and yeah i feel calm deep inside. 

bikin hairan juga la.. 

sa cakap sa nemau  suda... but he showed how concerned he is to me now. maybe just concern kan? tpi bersyukur la... everyday pun spent time together. 

ni hari sa ada interview kerja.. amen ~ 

kalu kerja , i'll have less time thinking kan .

so things gonna be alrite for me sooooooon ~!

 wish myself good luck .. im off for my shower now ~  ciaoz!

kenapa ah ? WHY ????

sa ada baca blog orang , RANDOMLY . forgive me for judging but WHY WHY WHY, U guys , girls, wrote such a beautiful stories on ur own blog but NO ANY REAL PICTURE or anything that could actually describes ur true personality ???? i know it is virtual and virtual means extra personal secure. but , i cannot stand such beautiful written post is shown with fake pictures such as Korean artist (tapi tulis post dalam malay) , and ULLZZANG pictures is used as profiler .. .duhhh .. WHY . embrace ur ownself ... i love myself... kalau ya pun people wanna copy and do violation over my property i am very sure they cannot be as genuine as me... macam mana pun people wanna copy u, they dont have the X factor that makes them YOU . this is my belief though.


sayang ouw... i cannot see the real artist behind the scene, if you get what i meant.


never mind....


but I DO ENJOY READING UR BLOGPOSTS, randomly ~ tee hee... forgive me for judging ~

KBYE !

Amazing.

it is so amazing that when i started to lose hope... He answers my prayers.

these few days, i've been postponing my goal to get a desired job real soon ... becuz im lack of self esteem, and frustration, depression and all the ssion-family indulging in my self. 

but i always prayed, i prayed hard to Him, everyday and giving thanks to Him eventhough i am in a deepest circumstances. 

sa nda tau la kenapa sekrang sa sakit hati ka, sakit jiwa ka,sakit mata, n sakit badan, sa nyanyi tu lagu thank you lord back to back dalam hati .. n then pray a lot. .

consequences of the story turns out to be a good one pula.. 

kalu urang lain sure dorang susah suda, mao cari rumah sewa, bilik sewa, and tempat bertanya, sure dorang lagi teruk keadaan daripada sa... sa skg even tho living alone, tp kira okay suda sebab sa tinggal ruma bkan bilik. some more, family support , abang sa baru2 dpat kerja suda, syukur sebab dia mula pandai jadi lelaki matang n ada kemajuan .. :) and now he is the one yg contact2 sa, says he is concerned about my condition.. wewh, benda yg jarang2 berlaku okaihh ... abang sa n sa bukan begitu rapat tapi since we're grown up now, kami dependent with each other in many ways... 

somehow, getting the family chain to be more polished. :) ..

thank You Lord . 

and i prayed for my self, prayed to have a strong heart to bear the things that i have to face, strong heart to be less painful when i see unwanted things, and yes it is answered...

He spent time with me everyday now , despite of my distance from his home, and i appreciated it. and yet when i saw enna's name on the text message that appeared on his phone, he immediately turn the phone over and ignored it. but i know, when he is off my sight, he will contact that girl :) 

i see it over and over again and i will sing the same gospel song in my heart, then i feel not so bad at all ..even so, i can still watch him and smiled. 

I tell God to give me a sign, why are we still connected even when i am already apart from him, i moved out and he get to know it, i am willing to be independent living alone but yet he was there. 

i dont know how it works, but somehow God had answered it in many ways. 

i dont know.. i dont know the ending i dont know what are we and i dont want to bother to think about it. 

i only can say God is amazing...

sa rasa syukur betul even sa macam ini sekarang, least sa still dapat makan n dapat survive. kerja tu bukan jatuh dari langit.. perlu mo cari kan .. .huhuhuhuh 

thank you Lord.. sebab selalu jaga sa dalam pelbagai cara.. 

sa rasa sa tidak juga loner after all sebab HE sents him to be my companion even tho we're like this, chaotic. 

 If HE wanna send other person, He could have done that too kan?  but why Ajin? 

neh ..sa pun teda jawapan . 

maybe  what i told myself is not what i should do. 

RUN .

no can do. 

FACE IT

yes can do.

boo ~

so i will continue to pray daily becuz i wanna know what i will become and what will the ending looks like. nobody can predict, its all in HIS hand. we planned it, but HE will decide it. 

so once again i am amazed with the Grace of God.. thank you for my friends that always encouraging me to get closer to HIM.  Bee Bee, Daphne, Dyveline, Nantong, Nold, Mex, Jason, Maxz, and many more.. 

Even Jye also been there and asked me to says prayr everyday,

and esp to my mummy and dad, they said put Him First in everything that we do. 

sa bukan alim and sa bukan religion fanatic.but i know all religion teaches us to do good and to be good . 

hurmmm yeah... i surrender myself to Him for only HE knows whats the best for me.. 

thank you Lord for being there and amazingly changed my perception towards life. I LOVE YOU.

good nite homosapiens...

Job Hunt.

i'm in the middle of circumstances where i have nobody to rely to and nobody can actually decide for me .


finding a job is never easy . i mean, finding the job u want. 


uh ~ 


i created some resume thanks to the help of the internet and some good friends that willing to share.. .


but still i havent use it to anywhere . 

previous days, he has been there urging me and pushing me to do my resume and surveying thru the net but due too my financial shortage, i cannot do anything when even to reloading my phone credit is also a problem. 


i'd been surveying the whole other nite thru and i only found out things that is non related to what im looking for. 




ugh... The process of finding a job is never easy. The application, the CV, the interview – not forgetting recruitment agencies who promise you the earth.

i dont know. im a fresh graduate person but then my brain is totally static. it means im emotionally stupid. i cannot decide which and what do i want. stupid enough ? yeap. i know.

plus, living alone and no shoulder to lean on, ,my self esteem is totally down under.


i have the fear of facing real job situation and the interviewer would say " Unfortunately you do not have the skills and experience we are looking for on this occasion and therefore cannot progress your application" ..

and i could have been in some stupid act and humiliate myself.


lol again. i think too much.


i have been there, the person that went to the walk-in interview and talk with confident. but that was for part-time jobs. its everywhere !  i can get one very easily but then i know i want more than just  part time. 


its day 6 after  moving out. 


no enough $ and no body to tell . 


blah. 




but i done some research and gonna continue doing it though. 


best of luck to you sean . . .

i hope tomorrow will be a better day for me. 

Sing this to the CMM, its a parody !

gaahh ~ this is totally epic, people with fun thinking actually can do this and here's one :) 

dont forget to sing it with the tune of CALL ME MAYBE ^_^

too funnay i cant resist to share this out ~ booyah !

truly like a lou sai ~ kapish ? jhahaha 

Those Days .

last Tuesday ..

He came to my place and we met. As i packed up already all my things from the hostel,  i have cleared all the bills that needed to pay and any form that need to be settle up with my college, now i'm officially moving out from my hostel.

But before i moved out, he then brought me to his place, met his sister there, and sleepover there.

the next day , his sister went off to work and we woke up later abit after that. i said i wanna go back and he said later on he'll send me.. waiting for the SenQ people to come and install the new freezer. 

so okay we waited till evening.. i cooked and we ate together. knowing that he is very choosy on foods, hot needs to be super hot, and cold needs to be super cold,  and thre to prepare his meal is actually very easy but need to be careful with the taste.. and he wont eat mixed up foods .

glad that he actually did ate the meal i cooked. 

later in the evening, the people of SenQ came. they install the freezer and im the one excited to see.. hoho kami dua rasmi kasi buka n operate the thing. so nyaman that new freezer. after 8 hours of installment then we can turn on the plug. 

i immediately make some ice cubes. 

here's the sneek peak while they did the installment..

and here's the stuff i like there :) 

and since he always called me panda, this is what i bought for him.. a  panda car deodorizer :)

but then the scent are finished, he put the panda in his room .. well i think chabey dislikes it so thats why he put it off his car . :3

and here's what me and his sister did on a boring night :D

met his second sister after that, and we spent time talking and chit chat. 

not realizing that another nite is been spent.  

that third night, as his sister works and another one went out, i actually had a loner nite out at the corner of stairs and assuming him to make call with that other girl . he did asked where am i going but sa cakap ,sa faham ko pun mao privacy . .. and i smiled to him and walked out from the house. sa dengar gospel songs back to back, wewh. 

some "eery" stranger went up and say hi to me, asked lotsa questions that made me feel intimidated. so i went down the stairs and sit in the park instead. its a cold cold night and somehow calms my heart to neutral .. neutral zero emotionally passive. i dont want to think so much .

i know he only wanna have some fun now. 

he came and we stayed a while at the park. talked about things and stuffs and laughed but deep inside me i wanna scream out loud to him telling , stop all this drama. but then again, i surrender to my own self.

we went up and took  refreshment, slept. its feels so nice to be hugged and felt comforted.  

but i know again he is spending his time for me and for those other girls . i know that and i keep it well in my mind. 

so i decide to be neutral and act like nothing. 

just appreciate the times . 

 

as i go to my new house, thing has been very tough to me . 

the house is completely empty, no any furniture and tools. i unpacked my things and yeah started the cleaning spree.. 

its not really fun thing to actually living by your own without any companion and supports. felt very very low of self esteem. 

but its a challenge for becoming a real adult. ..

hooho .. so there, im alone now . my friend have the diffulty to move in together with me so i think imma handle this by my own. cuz my dear sister also still cannot certain when is she really can move in here. 

been less online these few days becuz of so many things to think of and to do.

there was one time that i ate late and had this real migraine coming. i puke and threw out like non stop. and gawd the head is really wanna blow up.

its becuz of him. he pick up calls and talks and i was just at the other side of the room. i tried to swallow the fucked up feelings and there he came and said, think...
lol. i dont wanna think anymore for God sake.
let him be. 

but i kept on throwing up and he actually shocked to see me like dat, so do i.

and he hugged real close, worrying . so he brought me eating out. 

we ate and went home. exhausted. terus tidur jak .

sa mao ingat tu semua . its good to have nice memories .

skg sa alone but even so, i do have stories to be remembered of. 

a wrap for now, so good night me ~ :) 

ciaoz

 >:::: GOD BLESS US ALL:::<

Me + Words .

this is how i cry : 

Well actually .. i have always wanted to say this to my other half. 

duh, thats enough... imma stop it. fukkup feeling

 gaahhh ~ its happening again. 

i need to hibernate. .

ciaoz~~~