Idle Night.

God. Puasnya saya menangis sekarang.

i have a lots and a lots of question for you dear Lord. 

my emotion is now neutral and my mind is back to normal ..

yes. I forgive him for everything that he had done. maybe this is the effect from the past. 

i know we all should admit our mistakes. i had done mine, i admit to him and when he said he forgave me, he walked away. 

he found that other girl .

girl on the left is chabey. 

and now he came back. yet with the scar within.

he has done his mistakes too. but he said its all because of me. i just dont get it oh Lord. he abandoned me by the time i really needed him, and when i tried to get a new life and new relationship, he appears back. twice. and twice he walked away. 

now he came back for the third time.

i remembered that time when he called me in the middle of the night saying he would jump off the cliff if i ever try to run away. 

so the chances are given . 

and he walked away again..

this time . as i turned into a heartless bitch. he came. he took care of me. he look up for me and did everything as what a man should do. except that . he forget that the vibe is still there. he forget that taking care alone is not enough. he doesn't show the sincerity and the reason why he did that. 

he had his life. chabey and other. 

me? none. as i tried. people stepped on me. i kept falling and tried to get back up on and stand on my two feet. 

why is he being there for me and being there for other girl too ? i just dont get it. i dont have anybody like hooking up with anyone .yet he still did this . 

SANGAT sakit. 

crying alone and there's no him to listen. 

Lord, why do You have to give me such temptation. why dont i deserve the life that i need. this is not what i want oh Lord.

bagus2 seja kami keluar tadi. 

walaupun ini malam minggu, and he refuses to go anywhere as people usually do. he refuses to walk around. he refuses to watch movie.and so yeah. i said 'let's go home instead' . dalam hati saya, Tuhan seja yg tahu .

sampai rumah saya... as i wanted to go up . he said its still early. 8pm.

then he decide to decorate his car dashboard. 

walaupun saya makan hati sebab saya ada Sick Building Syndrome and need to somehow ease off the tense in d house and didnt get to do it, saya willing untuk kasi teman dia buat kerja dia dari awal sampai dia siap .

walaupun saya just duduk di tepi dia .

this is how he started. 

i took this and willing to see the aftermath of it.

before>. semua ni pun kerja tangan dia. he is very skillful at these kind of stuff.

This is how they look like before he decorate them.

i just sit beside him and watch him enjoy doing it.


and he attaches all the decoration that took like an hour to complete in term of perfection and  neat. 

dia memang orang yg tidak suka cincai. well, nobody does. 

so as it has done... 

it looks like this.

 i cannot give a bigger size of it becuz it might gonna be copied by other. in case seja la. saya pun tau jaga PnC orng. 

lepas tu dia suruh naik ...thats it. kasi teman dia and dia suruh naik macam tu seja, ok saya terima. and i kissed him and went up.

and thats when all the argument started. sakit hati kan ?kita bagus2 seja bah ...tiba2 dapat tuduhan ..tiba2 kena kasi malu. farkew FB. you ruin people. 

...... but. i forgive him, saya tidak mau dendam tidak mau fikir. saya maafkan seja. i cannot be mad that long. 

apa dia mau buat lepas ini, saya tunggu esok hari seja... fikiran sangat penat. but thanks God For Letting me spent time with him again today.

mine.

XoXo. Good nite seanfennyca.