jumaat yg blank

Apa yang jadi tadi ? Saya hampir kena langgar kereta .. Jalan terus tanpa ada fikir apa apa. Kenapa saya hari ni . . . Suda hampir 5 hari sa sendiri , dieya pg kehel ikut konvo.

 Kenapa sy x pg? Ada banyak reason. . , 1st. . .masalah kewangan, mum pun x dapat afford untuk konvo sbb dia banyak hal perlu diurus. 2nd kalu me n bon pun dua2 ikut konvo...means the expenses gonna be doubled too.. Kn? 3rd... Ajin pernah cakap yg dia akan ksi teman sya pi konvo.,.but now??? He's somewhere out there with other people. Semua ni kalau sy terlalu fikir, sy sendiri sakit. I know no one can help me to cure this pain. Cuma sy yg boleh pilih jalan yg sy mau. Either to keep falling down..or to look up and move forward, sy pilih moving on. Tapi sejujur nya... The past kept haunting me. My soul ..it is torned and in vain. Empty and lost. Sa pernah rasa yg sa ni cuma badan yg bergerak..p kerja... Makan ,,tidur, thats it.

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Future planning? The path is not as easy as i think. Even tho karim and geng karuks sa sentiasa kasi hibur hati sa, sometimes, at many time..,sa jealous tgk sis dieya btexting dgn bf, bkoling.,, huhu... My hp slalu guna untuk download lagu,internet...n this..blogging. Hbis kredit pun gara2 ini ja. -.. Memang la xda bf pun boleh steady... Tapi keadaan sy lain. Sy selalu bertanya sama diri sendiri. KENAPA SAYA!? Hmm... Puzzle undone.

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Tu ja yg sy boleh cakap. Sy cuma terkilan la orang mudah lupa diri .. Bila dia ada segalanya... Tapi sy pula yg kena cakap lupa diri, i was like, really?. You're dead wrong .. Sy slalu doa yg hati sa ne kena bagi ketenangan yg paling tenang la supaya bila sa mati kah , dia suda kawin ka, dia jalan depan mata sa dgn bini dia ka, sy x akan berdendam.,juga x akan sakit. Malah hari2 sa doa untuk dia... Thats all . Sy berazam mau improve diri, at least ini lah reward sa untuk diri sa.,, suda mau hampir satu tahun ini sa menangis untuk somebody yg tidak sedar dgn pbuatan dia. Jujur sa cakap. Sa mmg sayang dia.

                                                                             

                                                                                   him

 Sy tidak mau jadi beban dia . Banyak lagi perempuan yg mengharap untuk berada di sisi dia, hurmm..if ada doremon kan.. Sa minta tu dia kasi klon si rj supaya tiada hard feeling lg. Secara x langsung pa yg terjadi selama ni effect dia x pernah ilang..sakit. Tp entah kenapa sa rasa sa betul sayang dia sampai x dapat benci dia. :) Tuhan ja yg tahu.apa jalan terbaik untuk semua orang, sy just mau berserah.. Fokus dgn keja,,, n tidak menjangka apa2. By that way.. I wont hurt so much.

Ajinca

Saya mimpi pasal ajin. Nitemare. Saya bg motivate diri, i told myself that he wanted to ' find ' me in other girl becuz he cannot stand to see my face and remembered my past. Sa pernah bgtau dia, sa ada dalam keadaan dia skg, and sa terima segala pbuatan dia. Sa terima segala keburukan dia.. N dia nampak sendiri mcm mana sakit pun sa tanggung, sa tetap ada d sisi dia. Tapi penerimaan dia x sama. Sa conclude yg dia masih mencari jawapan yg dia mahu. I could see that thru him. No matter how many girls that came to him after me , he never find what he wanted for.

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If not. . . Perempuan won't come in numbers. Ajin , ko jadi diri sendiri ko hanya bila ada sa dgn ko. Segala perangai n nature ko pun ada . Tapi how sweet you became when you are with them. Ko x sedar tu kan? Sy bgtau diri sy. Sy mau terima penerimaan dia terhadap sy . Dia x dapat forgive my past. I could not say anything more. Yg sy tahu ,even mcm mana hina pun dia skg,if dia dgn sy, sy besar hati akan terima keadaan dia. Dari dia zero. Sampai dia ada semua. Sy ada dalam tu proses.


Tapi maybe becuz sy nampak zero di mata dia, dia juz nampak kelemahan and kekurangan sy. Lagi satu sa terfikir, if sa mau terima dia seadanya, ada banyak lagi pmpuan yg mau terima dia seadanya kan? They're fighting to be with him. Choices is all on him. Maybe saya la yg paling buruk di mata dia. So thats why sa mau improve diri sa,untuk sa sendiri.

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He wasnt here for me. But i am there for him . Even if sa suda improve and dia terlimpas sa 1 day, and still dia pandang sa zero, apa boleh buat la kan? I can't impress the world but to myself. Acceptance phase. Saya maafkan fact ni.dugaan ni . Yea, i dont deserve him selagi sa x improve. He always said , 'u always the shoney that i've known' . Hm. Dia x pernah terfikir kah yg dia buat tu mcm mana effect dgn sa?till today. Sa masi fikir tntang dia. . N sakit .coz sa tau sa lah manusia yg dia xmau dekat.

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Jadi, to contact him pun jadi benda yg sy have to Not do. rindu . Ko. Ajin. Anyway. Sa terima keadaan skg. I wont berebut. Just i wud look up and hear from him in the time being. Apa pun. Mulut2 yang pernah fitnah sa d telinga ajin, God bless u. Ingat ja kita smua boleh dihukum bila2. Reality skg,ajin ada d sini tapi sa x akan ganggu dia . Choices is on him. Apa pun pilihan dia. Sa terima n respect ja. Im way in love with him.


Too much till cant hate. No regret. ^_^ k bye

hoy-hoy~~~

Miku's birthday... She gets an ipad . Mummy dia ada cakap yg dia mau tunggu sampai hari ini baru belikan dia ipad. She has been longing for it since ever.. S3 suda dapat, ipad lagi... Lucky girl huh?

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Hehe... We planned to meet today but sa rasa sangat penat coz overtime lagi... Mgrain.makan megy jak sa... Huhu,,. Loya lagi... So i decide to go back home. Sa rasa Acceptance phase ni paling serenity la buat saya sendiri. I alwways motivate myself.. Sa bulum ada kereta, rumah n duit sendiri...ada hati mau sinta2.. Ngam juga la i let ajin choose... Coz i think he deserves better choices.. I wont blame , .. Hurm sa rinduu ko ajin :) jaga diri baik2 okaii?? Im doing much better here.. Sa tinggal alone sekejap lepas ne.. Suma orang pg konvo... Sa jak tidak . Um malas la pigi...ada la reason sa sendiri.. Keja jak that time . Heheje Sa ada beli fighting fish..

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My new pet...dua ikurrr.... Sumantik nehh...ehehehe At least buang boring n emptiness sa neh... Baru2 ne ada urang mau tekel2 sa... Tapi yg sa nda bule terima ne yg dia punya cara...kin takut, Nvm,,, i think i will stick to myself. Sa minat tommy boy bah..hehe..cemana juga..ngee... Internet? Not so active in blogging ody. Sepa la ada mood mo guna henpon seja online kn. Hurm... I named my pet fish,.,karim n flawohorn Sa ada lagi karuks. Siokkkk piara ekaannn~~


 Heheh...sa penat ba ni. Hari2 keja sampai malam. K la...happy birthday to ida Wish her bestf luck this 22th.. Sa sayang family ajin. Like seriously.. ^^ Nway..i loved my family more.. Klah ciaoz

cold night

Something wakes me up suddenly. Looked at my watch. 12 sharp . F thats scary. Its cold and undescribable . My neck felt cold now. *sigh Apa lah benda tu. Sejuk seluruh badan sa skg. Tadi pun one of my karuks are giving weird act like swimming around the container rapidly with only one fin functioning. I thot it is dying but just now i take a look on it, still alive but is very not normal. Something bad is happening? few weeks before , sa termimpi gg patah. People said that its a sign of death among close members or family. God please don't let me into that temptation.

 People abandon me i still could accept it. But not death. before, sis dieya hampir kena langgar gara2 cincin dia jatuh di jalanraya masa limpas jalan.sa betul2 mau jatuh dah jantung sa coz sa x mau ada apa apa bah berlaku.fuhh Tapi what makes me worried the most is this middle of the month. Semua orang pg convo, decluding me. During that week imma be alone in the office without my friends around, and also alone at home without sis dieya.. Not that i haven't went through this before! But i am worried that time if i couldn't afford to look up on myself. Scared Life sa skarang cuma tertumpu dgn kerja, rasa penat fullblast hari2, makan,tidur ,fb ing and twitter. Life afternight tu x ada suda. I reminisced that he always brought me everywhere at midnite for a stay out or car race and night life. Kadang2 rindu mau tengok laut at nite. But my life is limited to exhaustment here after work. Only weekend that could give me chance to rest and go out !

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 Oh i felt like an adult now. Being stuck with responsibilities and too many thing to worry about. Haha tidak lama rambut putih sa akan tumbuh lor. But sa happy hidup simple and worries sa cuma atas finance ,kerja,n gaya hidup. Sa tekad maw kasi panjang rambut and bleach kao2. N jadi perempuan dewasa. Haha ada la tu sa rancang.

 I bought a pet fish again recently. Kawan panggil itu ikan laga. I called it karim. Wkwkwk sa teringat patung itik si mahani, i think its a funnay name. Ahaha And if my life is stable already. . I planned to have a car and a toy poddle. Wewh. Hidup single memang busy kah ? Wahaha. . . Sa rasa macam tdak mau kawen ne. Wkwkwk sa mau adopt baby gal. . And thats it.

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 Henpon sa? Sa tidak perlu risau pun mau topup atau tidak. Tpi whatsapp sa bikin habis keridit bah even standby mode. Budu ne,,,, teda2 pun sa pakai. So in a week, i reloaded my phone thrice times . Only becuz my subscription to the internet. Teman sms and kol? Wahaha sa cuma slalu berhubung dengan mum and sis dieya. Kdang2 my tommy boy friends will call and sometimes the guy friends. Tapi macam sa yang repel ne,.. Maybe feeling hatred towards guy havent faded. Lol sa nda dapat terima guy ooooh dalam idup sa dalam masa terdekat ne. ..-BUT a toMmy boy, yeah maybe.

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 hehe sis dieya suddenly mentioned about her tadi. dia cakap she always go sing k. Grr.. Terus sa teringat lagi dua bulan yg singkat tu. Suda2 ... Cant mention bout her nemore..huu Kami dua sis ada problem finance skng but i believe God will not let us down. sa yakin jak ne. Ngeee YAwnnnn** Gilak... apa la yang kasi bangun sa tu tadi...


IMma continue my beauty sleep now.. dONe merapu. Friends , family, haters and enemies, God bless us. Sweet dream

Whatever.

2 months and still counting. 10 months of misery. . Starting today . . 我要爱我自己. . 不管他有没有在我身边……我一定能做到。 Choices is always on him. But i wanna choose what is good for me too.

Month of Rosary

The month of October is dedicated to the Holy Rosary. According to an account by fifteenth-century Dominican, Alan de la Roch, Mary appeared to St. Dominic in 1206 after he had been praying and doing severe penances because of his lack of success in combating the Albigensian heresy. Mary praised him for his valiant fight against the heretics and then gave him the Rosary as a mighty weapon, explained its uses and efficacy, and told him to preach it to others.

 "Since the prayers of the Rosary come from such excellent sources — from Our Lord Himself, from inspired Scripture, and from the Church — it is not surprising that the Rosary is so dear to our Blessed Mother and so powerful with heaven. "If we consider the power of the Rosary as seen in its effects, we find a great abundance of proofs of its wonderful value. Many are the favors granted to private individuals through its devout recitation: there are few devoted users of the Rosary who cannot testify to experiencing its power in their own lives. If we turn to history, we see many great triumphs of the Rosary. 

Early tradition attributes the defeat of the Albigensians at the Battle of Muret in 1213 to the Rosary. But even those who do not accept this tradition will admit that St. Pius V attributed the great defeat of the Turkish fleet on the first Sunday of October, 1571, to the fact that at the same time the Rosary confraternities at Rome and elsewhere were holding their processions. Accordingly, he ordered a commemoration of the Rosary to be made on that day. 

Two years later, Gregory XIII allowed the celebration of a feast of the Rosary in churches having an altar dedicated to the Rosary. In 1671, Clement X extended the feast to all Spain. A second great victory over the Turks, who once, like the Russians, threatened the ruin of Christian civilization, occurred on August 5, 1716, when Prince Eugene defeated them at Peterwardein in Hungary. There upon Clement XI extended the feast of the Rosary to the whole Church. 

"Today, when dangers far greater than those of the ancient Turks threaten not only Christianity but all civilization, we are urged by our Blessed Mother to turn again to the Rosary for help. If men in sufficient numbers do this, and at the same time carry out the other conditions that she has laid down, we have the greater reason for confidence that we will be delivered from our dangers."