Once upon a Wednesday~

sajuuukkkk..~ sajukkkk~~ damn...punya sejuk di office skg ni...sa pakai long sleeves pun nda juga dapat rasa panas... ada tu aunty di tempat kerja...she loves to put the volume to the lowest and swing to the max.. gilaaaaak/...semua kami pun ada flu and sneezing suda except her.. memang creepy...

sa semakin sihat ..sebab sa back to drinking habit baru2...stress kerja n life ..n finance..

tapi since then..i live another way around.. sa start workout suda... push up, lari2 ...sit up...tukar diet makanan...cewahh...kalu jadi kici lagi balik..aminn la...haha kalu nda dapat... jadi plus sized babe la seja..bebeh la sangat kan .ngee

my Dear said semua kasi kecil esp tummy except my humps and my boobies ..hahah..opps..tett..

tu lah berusaha la nie.. nda lama lagi birthday tu urang.. sa harap dapat celeb sama dia la nie nnt... tu pun kalu dapat. 

We made up and fix our relationship becuz of my misunderstanding week ago...ada satu TONDU ... budak DPIM jua... she was like ...havin affair with jeremy ..tp rupanya they just played stupid prank on me.. OH YEAH ?? prank la sangat kalu sampai p mengaku sama public yg dorg tu mau kwin suda..n i turns out to be his EX. dafuq... sa terus mengamuk macam boleh bunuh orang masa itu juga.. 

but then i managed to figure out the truth and yes..the beetch yg main2 seja. .KEBIASAAN dia pula main2 macam tu .sa harap kou kena karma.. sebab kenapa ?? lepas seja tu hal, few days after that they still said that sa cari hal sama dorg..(yes there were bunch of these *&%&#%) 

so i told jeremy ...either you trusted your backstabber friends or your own wifey... its up to you .. and so ...we became much more closer than before. 

urm sure semua orang ada problem dalam hubungan bah kan...common things ... and ada ja third party yg menggangu . 

ow well ... sokay la..sa lega sebab skg things became much better.. :) i love him . 

.

urm urm...

its lunch hour now..so im going to have my lunchies first... pecahlaju + lunch = brunchie. ..ngeee~~

.

kbye. 

wkwkwk bikin galiii ..... hahahah


nvm lah tu ..kalau budak memang budak ..kalau peniru memang peniru... no self confidence , yes, banarr...

.

i had the very best weekend ever be.. 
since friday ... i went for a sneak out from our place to our friends' at UA ^_^ 

we started the evening with masak2 activity .. hahah ...its cute when boys cook,.alrite ?
and plus when it is simply delicious. 

Jeremy knows how to cook too ..sa bersyukurrr sebab dia tau makan sambal belacan and ikan . yes , my favourite.. selain takoyaki, shrimp and lokan, owh wow...the best tetap ikan ikan ikan. .

but i'm not really into sardines.idk why .ada cerita di sebalik tu ..hehe i will tell it laaater okaeyh ? 

so, Saturday morning, we all up awake and everybody went out working. in the evening we masak2 again ...twas so fun... and the thing yg sa annoyed is that Vincci flip flop sa kena culik satu hari satu malam ... i ate a lot there... put some M&Ms in the wine glass and eat em' like a boss.. also the white chocolate...gawd..din i tell you that am a freaking all time chocolate lover ?? haha yes i am! and in the evening we cook a whole lot of home made cuisine and snacks all the way....yes i am adding my fatty layers .. some good shyt~ .

night time , its weekend so we went out for some sing-K and havin good times.^_^ 
went back and sleep like a baby though .

on Sunday, we went to the Kiansom waterfall ...hahha, damn it.. i love water and love to be in water, BUT, i ain't no swimmer.. sa macam tu kucing yg takut air tu ...  even so, my dear friends suka pull me into the water to have fun with them. waterfall yg best... BUT i missed all the fun. 

i ever drowned  during i was a kid. and yes , drowned in the deep water, a river of course.. apa lagi kalu swimming pool yg berkaki2 tu ...surrender.. == 


but , feel fresh and tired, we went home happily... maman lost his hp back there and we did managed to have it back when the worker of the place asked to come back and take the phone.. terjatuh masa salin pakaian bah. tu lah...kalu henpon, sakitt juga ati kalu ilangg...

its the most thing that you bring to anywhere and everywhere and most of the times. agree?? nod your head. :P

night time, we have the usual makan2 activity again.. ^_^ heee

fresh water fish . 

good thing the big boss is really a good chef though :D ... its like heaven on earth ,.,,ahhh yeah ...

and today, i came late to work, due to massive terrible traffic jam at along UA to KK. gaahh...yg penting selamat sampai .. huhuh ...

received a good morning text from love, and i smiled. teda kredit sa ba..mo reply... so yeah .. i told him earlier tho'.


hehe i am happy becuz somebody told me there's something big awaiting for us both , big plan...but i will keep it as surprise then.. i dont know either what is it..tu lah nda sabar mo tau neh ..hekhek.. 

.

hahhaa okay last komen pasal tu budak chabey ?? sa tia taw la kami ada chemistry or what, but my friends told so , yg every post yg i did , she made the same statement too..yes , in facebook . what the heck la kawannn ,,, peduli lah ..let people see and judge. i smiled becuz i dont even bother to look at her and her stuff.. and i know who copied who. blah.


shut up already .
that guy ?? alrite he's a good manipulator. so let him be. i dont have the right to judge or anything. fyeahh ... umur makin basar..tapi entah la kenapa sesetengah orang never grow up kan ? 

just my opinion..  .


hurm ... peduli lah tu manusia2 ...   im getting back to my work now. 


ciaoz ~! 

and to you player. yes you .

one by one. that guy is really a good player. i wont blame that girl but i will put the blame on you .i know you know what i meant. stop . kesian orang ko buat gini .satu2 ba kena. tau kah ? who yg lebih immature sebenarnya ?? WHO ??!!!! 

what a douchebag.

BANG. headshot. 

AWAKE AND HOT . this is to you, girl . yes you.

OH WOW... you're such a copycat beetch .

why would you do this to me girl ?? you dont get enuf with what you'd get before??

why would you liked everything that i liked and do everthing the way i did?? cant you just be yourself in expressing?? or you  ARE REALLY NOT ENOUGH OF BEING AN ATTENTION WHORE ON THE NET??

I TELL YOU WHAT . THIS GUY YOU LOVED SO MUCH, THE CHOICES IS IN HIS HAND. AND I LAUGHED WHEN I KNEW THAT HE ACTUALLY STILL CAME AND GIVE ALL THOSE FAKE ATTENTION TO YOU  .

DEAR you , yes you girl... lets get this over with . i dont know what is his intention to came and see me , and said that my blog is hurting .SO I KEPT IT HIDDEN ALREADY . YES ALL MY PAIN AND TEARS THAT I'D BEEN THROWING THRU MY WORDS THAT CAME STRAIGHT FROM MY HEART.  how hurt it could be comparing than what did you guys did to me? like posting fucqin things on facebook, which is waaaaeeyyy too much childish , and having people laughin at my back ??
like you know the whole shit behind your love life huh ??

HAVENT YOU EVER TRIED TO ASK HIM , WHAT HAVE HE BEEN HIDING THE WHOLE TIME YOU WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM ??
HAH . I was there like a hanging thread girl.

been with his family, stayed there at their place , seeing you guys talking in the phone every nite. i bet , those things he never did that to you, right? i know for you, its like all sugar spice and everything nice bullshit.


im so angry when i see you , copying my way of everything. stop it , bitch please?? i dont even bother to see you or whatsoever in everywhere. i HAVE MY OWN LIFE TO BE WORRIED ABOUT NOW.  i thought my new resolution for this year was it, so be it . its like , you're in my rotten case. and when i get  TO SEE YOU IN PERSON, SERIOUSLY, EITHER I WILL TALK TO YOU OR BUAT ENGKAU MACAM ANGIN . SAYA TIDAK KENAL KAU .

darn it , just go ahead and go on with your love life as a shadow.  you knw , i got a lot and a lot and a LOTTTTTT of things to show to you . but seriously, will it worth it ??

i know  he is a freeman . you wanna love him just go ahead. go .
dont be dopelganger. seems like he is searching "ME " , inside you .

i feel like wanted to call you so bad when i knew your number but you know, its his sisters that forbid me to do so .they know you are not so strong. .and you are sitting your final examination last year. can you imagined how LONG have i been holding on behind his back just to see him happy mingling with you , and those other girls? but how about me? 7 years go poof.. just because of him seeing other girls, and yes, that fucking includes YOU!


ouwhh so am i being so obvious again ?? well  i think i just did. what the hell . i dont wanna get stabbed anymore . he come as he please and he go as he please. DONT TELL ME YOU DONT FEEL THE SAME TOO , aite? stop lying to your heart.


and yet as i knew about what ajin did .. okay, game on.



lets just decide like this. STOP COPYING ME, WHAT I LIKED , MY STORIES, AND THE WAY I EXPRESSED . ITS SO YESTERDAY . OKAY ? NO MATTER HOW YOU GONNA EXPLAIN IT TO ME, WELL,i choose to say this becuz it is from the rating where people judges the similarity of you and me. fuq that . i dont like it .so stop. please just stop .


be your self. live your own story . stop being a hotstuff with such dramas.
i aint popular like you . but i know how to be genuinely me.

so i forgive this shit once again .true story .once i wrote and i hope you WOULD stalk me for last and read this .this is a tribute for you and him . i always gonna wish the best for him ...and if you willing to stay for him, i AM VERY SURE YOU COULD BE THE ONE. BUT START WITH YOUR SELF FIRST. BE YOUR SELF. GET A LIFE.


CIAOZ

Oh That Moment When ~

that moment when you remembered everything from the past. and the thought suddenly came when you are totally in a state of peace. that sucks much ..

 

 

sa teringat semua benda dari past yg buat sa sakit. ...and now i have this tremendous kind of traumatic syndrome yg bole buat sa jadi hantu secara tiba2 kalau benda tu ada di depan mata saya .

 

 

 

first thing is ... bunyi sms iPhone yg *ting ting * tu

 no matter wherever i am ..and whoever are using the same msg tone...i will get a massive headache and a great electric shock in my heart. like fuck . i cannot describe how that little sound could hurt me so very much.

 

 

secondly ..sa pandai sakit sendiri kalau ada orang mention nama those  girls  dengan saya.. come on .sa tidak tau kenapa benda remeh begini boleh buat sa sangat sakit ouwf. i can tell that i still hate . no matter who they are.

 

 

third. going places. where we used to go .

 

it all bringing back those good and bad memories to me .

 

macam sa tidak boleh stay sini oh .

 

 

urghh .. .

 

 

 

sakeetttt ...~ but i forgave.

i think i had killed any of them thousand times already in my mind. so yeah  , let it be like that.

 

sigh*

 

 

....lain cerita pula... sa contact balik dengan kawan2 lama.. i mean from college. oh and it feels good .

i hang out with them and livin my day *sometimes* to the fullest.

 

kadang2 join durang memasak di rumaah...last week we learned on how to cook italian beef and today butter prawn and squid. yummeh ..~

 

 

sa ada pigi tu tempat jual takoyaki di likas baru2.. .and the worker changed already .. change to even shitty attitude i had ever met. nama pun pekerja , i think they shudnt do something inappropriate such as menjeling customer kalu customer minta banyaaaaakk spring onion ...xD kan ? kan ? aih bayar pula tu .

 

 

and i went to UA too ..maakan cikenwing panggang.. time sa sakit2 and sora serak lagi ..damn all those great times ..i appreciate.

 

 

i think even begini keadaan sa skg yg macam *kalau ada, ada la, kalau tiada, tiada la* pun... sa boleh ba cari benda lain untuk dibuat, like earning money . spending times with friends. etc . xD

 

and somehow...di sebalik kawan2 yg happening ituh ~ ada juga kawan2 yg busuk hati ...betul . memandangkan sa contact balik sama ging karas sa... ada la muka2 tembok yg nda puas hati .depan sa bertegur bukan main friendly lagi .tapi girls, i read ur text la to our friend.. you girls dont like me to hang out with them kan  ? but why pretending  ? im tired of drama.

 

 

bukan juga kamu sodara sa. mau fikir jaga hati lagi  ? lol . sa better lagi nda bertegur terus la bagus.. .bukan kamu yg kasi makan sa mo kasi tentu yg dorang bole contact dgn sa balik or tidak . sincerely.. kenapa kamu yg kena ignore.. not me  ? think ba .

 

 

what for mau sakit hati sama sa... bukan sa yg buat apa2 . hmm .

 

 

suda la .

 

 

sa harap next time kita berjumpa sa pun tidak mau tegur ow. tapi maybe sa senyum la .sebab tu autosmile ba org bilang.

 

ntah .eish .

 

 

and the most annoying thing is... sa kerja satu area sama musuh ketat sa.. adesss....

 

 

but i am mature enuf to just ignore her and buat dia macam angin .. tp kesian ...dia pula yg melebih2... sakit hati ja ba tgk sa.. kalu tiap kali lunch sa duduk sana resturan and we bump into each other ... well .. sa buat macam angin seja. sebabb i know.. .ego tu takkan bawa kita p mana2 .

 

 

 

hurmm ...and.. my love life.. .so far ..static la.

 

 

:)

 

 

 

no comment.

 

 

haha.. . eish ...sakit juga hati sa skg ne. masih lagi .tp kurang2 sudah la. ada suda sanyum2 sikit.

 

 

sa tau sa nda boleh bah keadaan . just Go on and MOve on. kan sean  ?

 

 

 

ciaoz

Confession | january seventh, two oh thirteen , nine pm.

So .. its another year ahead... 

hello . 

lol ..its like been ages since i have written on this blog... i re-read back all my posts... quite sad huh ? i cried again .

why shud this happened ? 

aaaaaa..... 

i just dont know , 

new year is like another single day for me . 

been a workaholic recently .

i worked overtime everyday . 

i hated going home and become a zombie. 

im now back to my drinking habit too ..

sometimes i do take some . 

lol .

yes its not healthy at all .

but . 

i had decided that i wanted to make myself like farking busy this year. my aim : MONEY .

i need money. 

i dont want heartbreak no more. 

oh yes. i felt it recently.

only i know WHY .

i had different desires and situation.

what i want is different than what i had get.

like you know what i meant ?? 

nope. 

by the way ... 

thinking way back ... i know. no matter how much i said people are immature.... but i am one of them .

i wrote all my expression and  my feelings ...here.,..without thinking the consequences. 

it way beyond my consciousness... 

when i write... 

i put myself inside this. this thing here. yeah . the thing you are reading right now. 

so what i wanted to do is. 

i wanted to say my apologizes here ... 

i know it is inappropriate thing to do when we write stuff publicly.

i dont know. do people read my blog ? i think there are. 

thinking back the things that i'd done.its really not a mature thing to do .

i know im hurt, 

i know ihad so much more than what people gonna say about me.

but people will never stop judging. there are critics everywhere , arent they? 

that hows  the world goes around. ..LIFE. PEOPLE AROUND. AND the EFFECTS.

like KARMA .

do you believe in karma ??? 

i always do . 

what goes around will comes around. 

i get this thing everytime . 

now i wanted to say my apologizes... even to every single person that had hurted me. 

 every single person that gave a big change in my life, no matter it is a good thing or a bad thing, but i moved on... no matter how i had changes. 

people cannot take me , my change and the impact that had happened. 

but i think ... why should i care much ? eventually we are going to trust our own self and our own self ONLY. 

i know. i am a bitch in YOUR eyes. or maybe a slut? or maybe some good person i guess.. 

or maybe just a pathetic girl that you ever known. 

i dont give a damn anyway .

this is what had happened. no reverse. 

so then ... 

first thing i wanted to say here is that... whoever had had read my blog and made your own assumption and conclusion , please dont. 

i wanted to apologizes to every single person that has their story here with me. 

especially to the guy that i had ever loved the most .

him,. yes him . ajin .

i wanted you guys to stop making assumption that he is a bad guy . 

actually he is not, i just thot that , THINGS happened. so PEOPLE CHANGE

i do have my own mistakes to him too .even bigger.. 

hurmm ..

yes i wanted to clean his name .

he is NOT THAT TYPE OF GUY.

i guess its becus of my past doings then we became like this. i changed a lot , and so does people.

i M sorry for all things that i wrote. i know i shudnt lost control and bcame childish .

whatever REASON it is... blogging about personal story is NEVER AN APPROPRIATE Thing. 

i know. 

i dont know if people would look down or whatsoever assumptions you guys gonna make after this. I JUST DID MY PART. 

please do not make any judgement to him .

if any judgement you did are because of what i write, do face to face with me. im gonna fix things up. 

just come and see me. 

and to  the girls that ever cursed me and those girls that ever said bad things about me publicly (you know who you are, if you are reading this) , i wanna apologize too .. 

i know you cursed me for reason , i dont care whatever reason you have there. 

just i wanted to say sorry for doing the same to you too .

i wrote like just dont care. and i think ...when i grow older... 

people might laugh after all ..

they listen to your story and they are reading it ...but the consequences is worst. you wont wanna know , right ?

me neither. 

so things that imma do now is that ... 

i wanted to apologize to everybody ..

yeah somebody ever said to me, what happened if you dead suddenly and your dark story is there still, posted publicly ???

thats so fuckin true though.

i dont know. i give up on things that had hurted me today .

things that i kept for so so so long and never had a chance to ever say it out . 

i dont know maybe... if i get into a car crash later on... i had done my part. or maybe died in any kind of accident. 

all i can say is, i do mistakes , and yes, many ...many ...many times.. .

you can take it, or leave it. 

i just wanted to focus on earning money this year. 

take a good damn driving license and had a good place to stay that is. so be it..

MONEY .

:)

dont make assumption or conclusion , okay ??

thank you very much .. 

i dont know, even my phone theme says, NO MORE HOPES IN ME< EVERYBODY's LEAVING. 

jeremy ?? 

well, i let him to focus on his career . 

its okay . 

:)

i prayed for you and me, let us have a better life this year starting from this moment. get a good thing to worry for . a dream .and try to live it , in any kind of way . 

thats how things gonna change to be better. i guess. 

i think i wanna marry myself. aha. i just did. <3

so ...yeah... .thanks GOD for letting me to have this moment. i am sorry for everything that i have done to YOU ....YOU.....AND yes, YOU ~ 

you can say anything , its your right anyway . i did my part. 

:) 

ciaoz.