DEAR HATERS STALKERS BEETCHES [READ THIS UP]

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME OF KEEP UPDATING YOURSELF ABOUT ME, SEARCHING ABOUT ME ON THE INTERNET WHATSOEVER . I AM GLAD IT WASNT ME WHO KEPT ON  STALKING ON PEOPLE'S LIFE :) 

FUNNAY . 

I ALWAYS THOUGHT THAT YOU HAD ENOUGH FANS ALREADY AND NOT NEEDING TO DO ANYTHING LIKE THIS . WHY, FEEL SO INSECURE ?? 

HOW PATHETIC. 

I GOT THREE WORDS FOR YA ~

[G]ET [A] [L]iFE ~ <3

MUCH LOVE AND SMILES - Le Fennica

Do Now , Regret Later .

I guess thats how i should describe it. few people that ever exists in my life, gave me a significant impact on how i react towards their behaviour. 

it is not about me,  it never was. But when you started to get along with me, doesn't matter as a friend, good friend, acquaintances of just hi bye friend,  it all counts on how you value the moment, as i've said, it never was about me.  but since i had met a lot and a lot of people with " do now regret later " kind of attitude, i started to become a pessimist over it. i never have a good feeling over everything, after all that had happened. so i became a pure heartless person. once you did it, then i make my decision then we're all good. sometimes, sorry is not the right word at any point. 

i decide to left. feeling of seeing and having too much toxic people in my life , i should have a break now . set myself free from any unnecessary troubles. 

so lets move on to my story that happened along these few months when i take quite a long time to blogging again. 

 .

#serizawa : he has lily . 13th July 2013 . i wanna remember this date for my entire life. but  i never had a chance to get to see her , never for once. then once again we started to talk again . one thing that came out from his mouth was '' i'm sorry " .and bla3... and at that point when he said that i feel totally nothing ,.i dont even feel like wanna go mad at him at him or whatsoever.today he texted me and i ignored.  lol . sorry but i dont feel like talking to anyone at all . lets just be this way and let the time flies . 

#somebody that i used to know :  she texted me and even made a few calls which i didnt pick up . yes, after a while then i smell the feeling of regret.  seriously i have been hurt by this type of betrayal and to be friends like before, let me just deal my feeling with  God. sigh**  she told me that she was sorry for her deeds, it makes my heart bleed.  but i know it is alright to forgive and let things go . so indeed i forgave her. but i dont wish to have any more toxic in my life. 

#life : i am getting good with finance and life . i followed what people do and just getting along with the human group. haa~ i feel so alienated actually. people at my workplace, who use to be like friends to me...they always pick me as the weakest person in the group. im always being the underdog and been stepped on and yeah,,..i dont really know how to backfire these people.they play with name calls and body shaming,i HATE it. but i still stay positive and told myself not to think much about it.  they thought they did that and can be my friends, but to me, is it a very inappropriate attitude to have when getting along with me. sooner or later, i eventually still choose to have my high school buddies to count as my best buddies ever. they were silent but always there. no matter how, they never insults me and even try to do anything to hurt me. probably not just yet. but as far as i knew, they were totally fine with me.  

#about me: i spent most of my time at home. because i dont really have a life, i assumed it that way . i worked 12-14 hours daily, back home ,continue doing the chores and i get to go to bed only at 1-2am and wake up at 0600am everyday and the cyle went on and on. but Congrats to myself, i managed to achieve a year period working in one place. yay ~ being an adult is never that fun. unless you know how to value everything. 

life is hard at the city,. everything needs money . like seriously. you have to strive hard for just a little gaining. sigh** life still goes on

so i just get to have some time when i go out with my colleagues and that is all .

#random : i went out with big brother, meeting his friends which also became my friends. its fun :) imma put some sneak peek pics afterward k ? ^^ no bad judgement please.

* i even get to attend my friend's wedding . which i think the first wedding ever that i went with friend.  every wedding before i get to attend with my own family and white ghost family . 

*meeting new people in life. new as in meeting friends. but surprisingly, people i met were all good in singing and playing guitar. dangg~~ i am so blessed :) 

* i turn down every guy that tries to get closer than just a friend. i dont know, i just dont feel like it. lol . apa la sy cakap ni . so there i go. single and not searching.  serizawa ?? well.. my heart says no already . :) 

haa... time is what i need. i dont have time to pamper myself. wayyyy too busy . but i have the feeling of everyday that i dont want people to look for me.cuz when i have time to rest that's where people look for me for a citchat or for help or just being ignorant about how tired i am .well, since i m also a user of #weChat, #whatsapp #ChatOn and all those stuff.  I hate most of the time when people look for me while gaming. i hate to pause my game and so i became the bad person in people's eyes.  wudevvaaaa~ words cant let me down, take it or leave it. 

i leveled up this year. congrats to me~ ha ha... another year older and another year of change. but you know what i wished for on my birthday ~ ? i wish for a looooong vacation with salary pay~! lol. 

Gosh .. i think that should be a wrap by now.. imma insert some pics and yea thanks to those who reads .  ^.....^ ~ ciaoz! 

          》*************************************《

 

 

BYE~

.

[a]nything [c]an [h]appen

Too funnay i guess ? 


   when a good friend of yours willing to talk bad behind you just because she gets insecure of what she had had owned from ever since . 

I see, i read, i analyzed and i conclude, my decision and my respond towards this matter . for God's sake, why would you be angry towards your own good friend when what she did was only being  friend too, with your boyfriend ? was it against the law, i mean like seriously, was it ?

 i've been hurt a thousand times, and i been leaving friends behind for taking me for granted. now its your turn ? gaah .... i should have  had talked to you earlier but i guess you've been crossing the line like every haters does. 

now i wanna archive this, either you got to see it in the future or not,its up to you. i own nothing and neither will do anything more like you did on me. 

so this girl who used to be a good friend of mine since college, now she is spreading around rumors and hatred about me to other people, managed to brought in another two of her species and started barking through all medium they can reach in the internet . like seriously i never thot such an educated pretty lady could look so fugly when it comes to guy. i know how its like when ur man is being disturbed, been there and been so fugly too, but in this case i think you're just too over protective and insecure girl .

 how could a friend of yours being there around saying and telling other people that i am a slut , much likely saying the things out of her mouth has been hurting me a lot , because even tho i know about her dark sides i didnt betray or telling shyt to other people like what she's doing now. 

and the best part was that she said to other whom i assumed as strangers,was  " she even fucked the whole society in XX " ,"she's like indian, fat bla bla bla" . 

so do you think writing this whole shyt on the wall in wechat and facebook would gonna kill me ? you did let me down because of your doings, but no i aint gonna die. being immature is what you are. why wouldnt you use your own acc to do so, and why wouldnt you face me and say it straight to my face ?

do i have to remind you bout those girls you hanging out and clinging with right now were those girls you ever talked bad behind them too,,... ? and guess what, i was the friend who've been there listening. 

the skinny one, like seriously, you called her slut too,... and now ..guess what..she is like you best friend evaa ?? hahahha ... and another one, whom you called retarded and slutty before, now you being friends with them and drink one table with them even more. doubled face? least i didnt being hypocrite and could entertain the people that i disliked in my life. talking bout being a drama queen. i guess we're on the same level now. oh wait... i am not the same level as you are my dear so-called friend. 

    so okay, you tell everyone that i fucked everyone, do i have to list down all your doings and say it straight to your face? saying that i am an indian, well there is nothing wrong about it,, but you, are, being a racist now. but do i have to remind you about that indian doc you used to go out with before ? i tell you, i never date any of them in my whole entire life, but guess what,,, you did, and you, are making fun of them .oh well,. i  guess,,, the most sensitive matter in here was about making out. its being the utter most problem that i think really immature to start with towards the public. 

    when white ghost asked me to stop being friends with you since the past two years ago, i ignored him , because i liked being friends with you. you skip classes and exam, do i stop being like the one who always ask you to come to class ? rather than being the one who ask you to go out and drink every single nite. 


do you remember Ting ? she was your bestfriend evaa, and you talked bad behind her for all these while and still being friends with her. i guess you do it to all of your so called best friends? too mainstream already .

now i tell you what, your so-called boyfriend, was my friend too, ever since we all get to know their gang he has been a friend to me . do i have to let you know how hurt he was when he find me asking opinion about you and you never did appreciating him all these while ? when he asked, do she have a lots of guys behind me ?guess what my dear, i told him i dont know . he was seeking for a future wife and i even recommended you, and you know what, he sighed when he talked about you. he was at home when you were out there happily drinking with your so called friends at night. do you ever thot of finding out the true story behind all this ? 

now you being mad at me becus you found out bout our conversation. duhh ? it was about my blood puke and my sickness. was it even wrong to you ? when you talked to my ex before in facebook, i was like yeah jealous but i did not being so paranoid and like what, beetching around about you .

         so if he is your boyfriend why would you even feel ashamed to let the world to know who he was to you ? or what... is he being like your puppet becuz he was rich and you felt like imma grab that from you ? goshh ... i got a job. do you have any ? none. i got good grades in my dip, did i like choosing friends based on their education level or got employment or not ? i am not. talking about money, yes if i could have any chances to win cash big time, i would. but talking about stealing your so called boyfriend ? gaaahh ...i had myself a crush of my own. even better . i am not going to let this all out if werent because of your doings.

go ahead, spread rumors and bad news about me all around dear. i am just gonna stop right here... in this very blog of mine. if you happened to go thru this, just kill me. 

but i have to let you know, i let go people with negative vibes out from my life, i dont negotiate , i forgive you . but being friends? probably i need to deal that issue with God. i am a fragile heart and also got limit of patience. 

now what imma say to you is that , YOU WANT TO HAVE HIM SO MUCH,THEN DO NOT TAKE HIM FOR GRANTED. SO WHAT IF HE GOT A BABY, YOU STILL WANNA HAVE HIM AROUND ARENT YOU ? PUT HIM INSIDE YOUR POCKET AND DO NOT LET HIM TALK TO ANYONE. Nuff said .

it is okay that you keep writing shyt on your facebook wall, wechat wall and your whatsoever wall. i wait till you mention my name then i will face you . but talking bout being a double-face person, i hope you realise that u and those two girls are the one who suddenly get fuckin sick of me and still there in my friends list. like seriously, why do facebook must be the one who become the ugly part in here ? we are in our twenties and why would you become so immature like that ? i have been there , being the girl who was so emo and talk crap on my fb wall but that was like when i was eighteen or nineteen .. not at this age. i was there against my rival before and you were there too seeing it happened. we were young and childish at that time . but my perspective has changed now. 

i dont entertain such craps anymore. you hate me, so be it. out from my life. treat me like a dog ? okay . 

nuff saying from me. imma stop just right here and right here only. 
go ahead and gather your gangs. spread shyt about me. 
i wont die , thanks God that i got the sanity still and i appreciate what my mum advised on me. so yeah, im a grown up now. i m just gonna sit back and let you bark. to your so called boyfriend, imma just tell him how great it was to ever being a friend to him and now becus of one paranoid insecure girl like you, has ruin every friendship ever that is . i know anything can happen after this. even if you ask somebody to come and kill me,and even if i die of a waste,  here, i have already said this. Nv, i forgive you .

sad. 

good bye then.

Because im stupid

Since i dreamt about you few times recently.. seeing different girls in each.. it hurts me way too much. I guess i just missed you?

But at this moment i felt like stabing my self... i know it is very wrong to have sent you any text...but im sorry i cannot hold it. I gave you that song .. hoping that you might gonna like it ? But till that i feel uneasy till now. It was delivered tho. And i was like... what the heck are you doing sean??? ... urghhhh this is killing me..

 I dont know why did i do that. I know you must have lol-ed at me now right?

Anyway... i dont wanna give a damn what you might gonna assume about me. I just wanna share what i like tho. Either you listened to it or just had deleted it... im glad it was delivered.

By the way ... i hope the best of u now. I know i will never be the girl u want. Too many flaws. But what we ever had ... imma bring it to my grave... take care .

*sigh*

Again and again

Should i keep myself here?  i dont know. Its hurts to be me. Serizawa finds me back and apologized.

Apologized and then i dont know. I dont know if it considered that we made up and fix things up.

I just dont know.. his problem hasnt settle yet.and im actually about to get use with my loner busy life ... before he finds me back.

I dont want to be another person's shadow. If he wants me for real...he could have done more . Not money not stuff or luxuries . Nope. I got my own money . I just want him to know how to treat a girl righfully.

I gave us space . And time for own self.  I know i am not going anywhr. So i dont think he have to be worried about my whereabout. I dont know about him. He could have anybody else he want. He got what it takes.  I dont know anymore. Yet still im staying.

Gaah... sy la perempuan paaaaaaaaling budu d sabah.. sebab sy tidak tau mau bagi orang lain peluang.  sy memang mcm ni. Mau satu ja.. yg sy mau .. itu la seja yg sy syg.Huzmate even said so.yg mau sy . . Sy tolak... yg mau x mau sy.   Tu pula yg sy mau....bahHa... jadi andartu la ni kan sean ??,

 Haih.. cakap betul kan.. priority sy bulan lalu actually suda tukar. And i almost achieved my monthly goal. Sy berjaya earn some saving and get what i need for my health and needs. I managed to make my mummy smiled and fixed our relation in the house.but dunno la... mcm sy ada distraction sikit trus bulan ni mcm gini lagi balik.. i think too much bah ni.

So i took myself away from hectic city for two weeks.spent some quality times with my family.seriously.... betul cakap my gf. . Dont keep yourself too attached with anybody else except your own family. They are the core of everything . Strength for example.

Sy rasa heaven bila dekat sma family. Tp my sister nda dpt bsama kami.thats bad. Daddy even more. Been years since we never meet anymore. I have a sad family tree but i appreciate what i still have here.

Now my goal ? Is to help my mummy.. and be happy with my life. Serizawa and me. I dont know if he really want to do this. sy boleh stick sama dia  ..he knows how i am. But i dont know if he could do the same. Nope.. i dont wanna expect anything.  I moved on from the past . Even it lingers in my mind sometimes. I know now how to endure the pain.

Sy namau benda remeh yg negative ganggu sy.

Well i hope serizawa knows. I dont mind if he choose other girl juga.   Sy mau simple thing seja. Once u got other choice.. count me  out.

;)

 But now we're fine. I just go w d flow. ada. .ada la.. teda... teda la..

 I love what i got...i love what i had.  .. i love what i ever had and still have.  Appreciate. Dari dulu lagi ni ja sy simpan dlm kepala otak sy. Teda sudah sy tau buat selain ni  . Kan sy budu. Haha. Blah. Ok la puas liao me merapu. Actually sy mau cakap semua tp biarla.. kumpul2 dlu ni budu kan . Haha  ciaoz 

Care less . Use ur heart less.

Hello world.and hello banglasia. Happy Wesak Day. Thanks God its Friday and im at home 

 . 

Been longing for offdays and today i got it. Mau sebulan sudah sy kerja 7 hari seminggu sebab time rush yg padat. Malar ja ada migraine and stupid sickness. Sokay... harap2 everything that i did will be paid off and imma cry happily . Hahaha amen bilanng.... Amen^^

We went out . And that night me n vee made a vow . Here's to all the independent girl all around the world.never be the girl that needs a man. But be the girl that a man needs.

Vee saw me fret about serizawa. Sebab been so cold hearted this lately to him. And as expected... he texted me... he cant make it.

Seriously just becuz one phone call yg sy tia sambut... he decided like that. So now i know where i stand. Selama dia p meginum kah p gym or going somewhere unknown and rejecting my calls or ignoring my text... i never make such stupid decision while i.am  mad. Sy tia sambut kol dia pun sebab he act like dont care in front of me. God. If only men understands woman more and vice versa...sadness wont exist.

Jadi .... even tho i am sad... i am willing to just follow as he wish. Its his lost anyway. For not holding on till july. There goes my july dream ... there goes my precious lily. Sy x dapat ambik tau suda progress and sokay bah... we are no more. Sy punya crush sendiri yg decide macam ni kan. Bah kita kasi eya ja. Jangan melaawan.... kan sean?

^^ biar lah tu ... 

So bgini la ni.. go with the flow .  Change priority and care less than you usually do. 

Realizing that i dont really need a relationship but i need lily...saya mau dia.....hancul mancul ini hati sebab sya tau lily wouldnt be able to meet me. Sokay sean. Maybe takdir la tu kn sy kena begini. 

Serizawa never tries to understand me ba since we last talked. I quit my internet world and ignoring the world becuz i know i cant be hypocritely being happy . Sy rasa mcam comfy lagi begini . Silence. The best way.peduli la what serizawa mau cakap saya.Like i said in my previous post kan  . .he shud have know and shud try to know why i suddenly become so quiet and stuff.. he shud have know what to do to make it up. Douche .

Bye bye crush. 

So another chapter in my life ended dramatically. Hehehe maybe belum masanya lagi saya ada nasib 。

要爱一个人真的很难过。  i forgive everybody yg ever hurt me.
Nuff said. Bah jum cari brunch dlu. Lapar tahap panda !!^^ hehe



Ciaoz!

^^The unplugged. Untitled.

Hahahha ok ignore my header title yah.

Sa pun tia tau apa yg unplugged. Tapi yg sa tau sy mau archive ni feeling saat ni. Supaya sy ingat sampai bila bila.

Satu hari suntuk sa nda bhubung sama serizawa. Sebab kami kinda have a chatfight d night before. Tapi sy bagitau dia jgn risau la pasal sy. Sy biasa suda kena sakit macam ni malah lagi teruk dari yang ko buat. Pastu ni arri time keja sampai sy balik rumah.... without expectation...dia sent me txt. .. kan? Ego lelaki pandai jatuh bah... sy tau. Tapi tu jak la... sy mau reply pun sy rasa salah. Tidak reply pun sy rasa salah. So i decided to ignore. Anothet text came lagi yg tadi. Adeiii...karau bah mau reply... but i definitely wont wanna be hust again and again . Sy mau tunggu semua benda settle dulu. Kalau dia tau apa mau buat..bagus la. Kalu dia give up... ba eya seja la. Sy mau diam n observe ja... tee hee.


Tapi bukan tu yg benda major buat sy happy ni hari. So white ghost family member ada kol sy td. Lama kami berbual. Punya kuyak ada kah dia tanya gini... sean berapa lama suda ko nda kena kol org ni...mcm happy jak ko bcrita sama aku. Hahhaa .....adeii... sy easa pun gitu... laaaaaaaaaama ...berbulan2 suda teda org kol sy n sanggup crita2 sma sy gitu lama. Ekikiki ....tp siok la crita kami. Vahahha mama bah so funny... sy nda sangka she could answer chabey punya call n cakap gitu.he hee... n d sibling cakap... even u guys are separated...mum always anggap u as her daughter.. and we are siblings... huuuu.... im so touched. Sy gtau dia yg he is irreplacable. But yeah life must go on.


Ekiki...sy happy to get to know bout their latest news. Lama suda nda kol mama n dgr sora yuyu. Cant wait for unni to come back. Mo crita2 sma dia. Urmmm... the bond is too strong i still cnt let them go even my heart say so. I love them too much.

But sokay la.... sy dapat suda point of view sy yg sepatut patutnya la. Even mcm mana lonely pun hidup sy skg.... sy ada dorg..family.. my own fmly sama diorng. I hope God dont take this blessings away from me.



Sa kestau serizawa... sa busy sgt sama kerja... teda masa mau flirt  or whatever. So dia harus faham kalau sy suda ckp sy mau satu... satu tu seja la sy mau... taapi tu la...karma bah kali kan... sy slalu kena sama difficult guy. White ghost...jer ..and serizawa.  Chapter of my life . Sy paaaaling syg yg white ghost. Haha. Crita yg teda sepa boleh rebut dari sy. So bitter and so sweet... kalu crita tipu hidup2 paling manang la c mcnorman. But sy bersyukur. Im npt taking time to hate. Kalau sy mau syg...sa sayaang betul2 . Tp if ppl kc sia sia sy....sy pandai faham sendiri and take d first step to walk away.


And surprisingly serizawa still there. I thot this chapter pun x akan jadi. Tp sy nda mau expect apa pun lagi. Enufff...^^ kalau nda kawin pun tidak apa suda. Relationship is not my priority anymore ..after white ghost. Nobody could ever bring that story to me..*reminiscing.


It is the pain ...but it also is a remedy. Sebab bila sy ingat suma memories sy...sy senyumm... n menangis. So beautiful it makes you wanna cry bilang c avril.ahaha....



Slama sy being independent...sy pegang tu ayat appreciate...adapt... improvise. Sy slalu breakdown tp nda suda yg kritikal mcm dlu.

Huhu...apa la sy merapu ni . But i am glad. Hari ni suda berlalu. Lagi sejam masuk monday suda.


Kerja lagi.


I dont know what else gonna happen. Yg sy tau  ...sy appreciate ja. ^^ apa jadi ..jadi lah kan...



Aaaaah sy happy. Even karma strikes on me
..i could fight it. Senyum dalam kesusahan.


Kenapa sy cakap ini karma ? Sebab sy ingat lagi dlu time sy reject satu guy. He claimed that he was so into me since highscul...pastu tjumpa sy balik time sy broke up suda sma white ghost. Sy cakap sy nda dapt trima dia. ... he turned to be a creepy psycho then. Tunggu bawah ruma sampai lewat malam... tarik2 sy n try to abuse... haiguuu banyak suda oh sy punya memory dari dlu. He made me to maki him like whatsoever... until sy graduate. Dia nampak sa jalan sama white ghost and he encountered him . Ofcoz sy pilih white ghostkan. Trauma sy sama tu llki obses... tp since then
... i always become unfortunate... maybe terlampau ramai suda yang menyumpah2 sy kan... mo sy mati apa smua... but i will fight till d end. Kalaau Tuhan kasi tentu sy mati... malam ni saat ni pun mmg sy mati kn. Hurm


Tu la.... even hidup ni bagi saya mcm mcm masalah... ada ja berkat yg sy rasa even bnda sekecil semut pun. Saya hargai


.ehehe... thnks ya white ghost's sibling...made me smile lots tonite...


N to serizawa too.

:))


Life is so very beautiful... indeed. Praise God.


Sa tdur la ni..isuk kja lagi... nunite.... ciaoz !!

I know its worth the wait. #faith

And so mr.crush and me. Even we're good but i think its just me. Im becoming a diff person towards him and being so cold hearted suddenly. I dont know. Maybe becuz i am lack of empathy needs.

I understand his situation. I know july wont be that long to wait. I know i can endure the pain. But his act .... really drives me crazy.


I dont know if he know im so into him. Everything. Okay. We met lots of time and yes he treats me differently from vee n eyca.

So maybe im the only one who take it like that?


Then whats all that fight and attention and care that we had ? Im confuse and almost giving up at d same time . Well he never try to say the word first. He told me he dont know how to show it.


Mummy ever told me. To be with a special guy... u need to understand him and dont be the same girl like other. Yup.... i dont know my life always bump into a guy which is hard to understand.


Like white ghost. His mom told me im d only girl that he actually showed his true color to and still i can bear him .i think so. I understood his attitude mind and behavior. Favorite and hates.


Naaayh... i dont wanna compare.i will keep our memories to my grave. He is irreplacable. But as a human... we cant be a loner. At least another human as a companion. Neither dog..nor a cat.... or any other animal could take that place.


But i am lonely. I do have lots of friends and family. But ...yeah basically im lonely. Back home... looking at vee and eyca with their own thing... talking on the phone with their boyfriends... and im left with my game and my teddy.


I think it is true. The person who laugh the most is the loneliest. Um... my happiness were boost up only during at work with  my friends.  But since im a quite a dummy person... sometimes when they were joking with me i took it seriously. But i never keep it in heart. Trying to adapt with people's nature as good as possible . Becuz i understand sometime people didnt think before act. Im one of them  too. But saya budu ba sy tidak pandai bgurau tidak pandai bercakap mcm dorg... tidak pandai membuli...haih... im an alien. #sadasfuq



But i woke up ni pasal sy dapat message dari mr.crush. we last texted while im still at work at 7pm tadi kemarin. Then i back home i decided not to find him. It feels so cold inside me. Well maybe im just tired. Mommy says that dont be a girl that needs a man. Make it the other way around instead.


Ya betul tu mum....so i went to sleep before midnite. Without looking for him or telling him that im home. So..As i woke up... i saw his text " shoney" "i miss you"
 Words.★
 Guy really know how to manipulate.
I dont know whether he is drunk  or what. But these words moves me. :) im smiling ..well at least i crossed your mind kan serizawa.

So i replied a bunch of msg back to him. And now im on blogger.hehee writing all about my feeling.


 Oh and another thng is that... mother's day.


I called mum frequently. We talked . But i miss to hug her so much. I dont know what  shud i give her on mother's and teacher's day. But i hope i will come up with something. Ehe... everyday is a mother's day
No need to wait for the date to show our appreciation.do it everyday. As we grow up our parents are growing old. Keep that in mind.


So imma wait for mum to come here nxt week... ^^

Will try my best to spend time with them.



Ok i shud go back to sleep now. Jap lagi mau p kerja.


Saya sayang apa yg sy ada pernah ada n masih ada....maybe thats my nature. Fragile and love too much. :)

God helps me to live in this cruel word.


And to mr.crush...thanks for giving back a lil faith in me and us. I will wait till july ends. In meantime i promise i wont show u my weakness and sadness.. for lily, and u.



#hugs


Ciaoz


.

Blogging tonite

I got alot and alot aand alot of things to say. I dont know where to start and how to begin. Im happy and sad at the same time now.

Ok  so maybe imma do it this way. One story per paragraph. Lol. . Like doing essay



So...here goes nothing ^^...

#my life as in my daily routine :
▶ as an employee of a full time job.... im takin full time of 14hours of working daily. Yes . I am a busy busy busy person now. Im lack of time to chill and to relax.  Life.pushes me to do so. Talked to mummy recently. She complaints bout her needs and prob. I was sad becuz  i dont know how to help her that time. But i determined to work full time o.t every day... so i could help her.  Its alrite if my other priority need to be put aside. Family first.

friends at work :ohsemm . They were great and having them in my life merely fulfilled my empty heart and thus not making me feel so lonely after all.

Take pics with them every day and laugh with them .

I just loved them .without them i dont know how am i going to bear my work ...stressful and stuffy. I have been working seven days in a week since last week. Multitasking ... its tiring as fuck i can tell. Becuz everytime i reached home. I fall asleep on the floor. Im a dead panda .sleeping without bothering what am i sleeping on  

. .

So yeah thats my routine. 

#my life after work ^^

▶ I spend time at home with my wifeys. Eyca and vee. These two ladies are the closest to me now. Whatever things we are together. Even we fought sometimez. So here is the part that i wanted to tell . About somebody called diana. So yeah we were close close friends before. We share things and talk like siblings and we had lots of thing in common.its like your other half. I sayang her as much as i sayang myself.but here is the thing. After that slight chatfight conversation which i had already apologized becuz i am truly sorry for what had happened ..she said... kasi limpas lah tu... so okay.. and i thot she was okay with me. But dafuq that we met. She TREATS ME LIKE A DOG. I TRIED TO TALK TO HeR AND YEA NOT EVEN A SINGLE SENTENCE COME OUT FROM HeR MOUTH. she treat me as if wind blows by her. She even give me that look. That mad eyebrows look. So okay. As i knew i did my part.... its okay if ppl like her cannot tolerate at all. childish as a matter of fact. So to be fair enuf... since i felt like being a dog to her... so i decided to put her away from my life.  I forgave her and take the blame about what had happened. But i wont entertain people who actually displease me and wasting my time and giving hatred towards me. I think this actually make her happy kan.  Becuz i can feel so much hatred of her to me.so yeah. Another human become a total stranger to me. Sokay. Life is so so short to even bother about ppl who give me a fuck up feeling. And yeah now my.life continues... daily routine chillin with wifeys and yeah spend my life with these blessings.

I decided it that way  .

. I realized that some hard feelings do occur but we all love our friendship more than our ego . I dont know bout what they think bout me. But if i have to fight people for our frenship... i would. I love my wifeys . Alot. And very much. 

#my personal life. 

▶ when im started being an emo... its spells b.o.r.i.n.g to me. Being a sad person is boring. But what the hell... im just being myself. When im happy or when im sad.no need to hide my true color.im a grown up already. It depends on people whether they can tolerate with me or not.

So as months passed by.... i had myself a crush. The one im talking about in my previous post.lol. he is somewhat a special guy to me. And never in my life ever ... met any guy with personality like him before. Yeap... i had a crush . So the thing is ... we became closer than friends but never yet declare or whatsoever. So i assumed that im the only one who had that vibe and not him  . Its alrite.tho. but... since his problem came and lingers around...we started to have shyt. And yea its becuz of another girl.ughhh... so the funny part is that... everytime i told myself not to find him and suddenly he look for me first.And when we had a slight fight ... each of us will see whose ego are bigger. And yes i always lose to him . I liked him so so much that i cant stand to be mad at him   for long... so.. since saturday nite till now we didnt contacted. So i was worried sick about him. And... i knelt and said say my prayer . I prayed for him and our precious lily. I dont want to lost them both but if we arent fated to be together its alrite. I dont know how to hate and i fall in love easily but i stick to one. I dont know why im being so emo that my tears drops.and as im getting ready to sleep...suddenly my phone rang.Ohh my ...it was him hahahhahahahhahahahaha ... gawdd... my prayer has been answered. He apologized to me and explained.so he actually make it up for me. I already know #neverlosthope is the key. And #appreciate. ^^ so we're good again now. I know i need to wait for his problems to be settled. I want to have lily so much i could waitt  . I believe God will make a way. Amen

#surprising moments [white ghost]

▶ i saw his car at api api centre. So fucking many times 

And i always get that slight heart attack whenever i saw his car. So i know he Has a new girl on the block . I could imagine that that gir is hugging him happily sleeping beside him or chillin whatsoever .... with him . But never again imma let myself down. I dont wanna be an option or a shadow. Not anymore. Past has taught me in d hard way to live like that now i kenoot tahan ... plus i had a new crush that become my happiness and pain in the neck now. So i told myself ...DO NOT BOTHER TO KNOW OR CHECK on him . Even if i could. His family still asks me to come over their place to hang out and  i missed them so so so much. :( but sometimes... we need to just let things go. The scar he left on me is very deep im scared it might gonna bleed again .  I moved on from him to jer and from jer to standing up on my own . Well thanks to jer i forgot alot bout my past. .. and now my crush has helped me to get my pain towards jeremy*s doing to vanish completely. Yes. Cross my heart. I felt pathethic for jer for not holding me on and took me for granted. I made mummy cried before when i made my own choice to go with jer so i think i deserves this punishment. A guy who actually really set me up alive.well what the hell . I forgive him too ^^ I prayed and wish the best of luck for them. Im just being thankful for all the memories they had given to me . #reminiscing. Memories never dies. And if someday i am gona bump into any of these two... im willing to not giving any hatred. Who know ... we might gonna work at the same place together ??kan... so im ready to live with my problems. Even to those girls ... i decided to do the same.

Tee hee ♡

So what else am i going to talk about ?? Oh yeah... bout my posts in here. ...most of them i have put in my drafts. Keep it hidden. I re read my post from a-z...all of em have no censor at all..wkwkwk impact of too much negative emotion.

So most of my post has been set to hidden now. Sokay la that..

Oh and by the way imma put my pic here as a wrap ... haha been so excited to write till i dont realized its another five hours before i need to wake up!!! Lol.

Hurm ... latest news is about the general election 13. I was overwhelmed with the  unacceptable  result but what can we do ..that fucktard laju2 pi jumpa sultan to angkat sumpah. My bottom line for him is 《DIRTIEST ELECTION EVER IN HISTORY》 ... EVEN this issue has become a world concern . I pray that the bravers will do something about it. We all wanted to CHANGE. So lets just hope for the best, aite ??^^ amen.

Hahaha ...  ok i think thats shud be a good essay by now. Please ... to whoever that might passed by and read this... do not judge me or giving harsh commentt . Do not even try to spread . This is my blog so im free to talk whatsoever  

. But ... we cannot stop or shut person's mouth. And hopefully nobody is offended 

#iownnothing.

Ciaoz

Define sadness

It all started with a photo in my instagram. And betrayal. And privacy violation. And thus. I lost one precious friend ever in my life. Another one is slipping away.
Define sadness. It is an emotion that u hd and u cannot even talk about it. U cannot even describe it by words. Only by tears. And gasping for air. Define sadness. Sadness is the loneliness that u felt even when u are in the crowd. Coldness in ur backbone and ur hand shivers.. shaking while typing and tears are dropping down ur cheeks.

Define sadness. Sadness is what u felt when something inside you shuts off. The feeling of rejection and isolation among your group.
I dont know how to describe how sad i am at this moment.i had it long long time before. Nd d day that jeremy left i told myself i wont allow this matter to reduce me into another living corpse like before.

I am so so so sad that i had to make d decision for other people. Its for sake of that someone.so i had  to sacrifice my own feeling . Becuz im not taking time to hate anymore. I just wanted to appreciate. And be appreciated. But not all thing that we planned happen as we wanted it to be.

Sometimes the worst thing and the bad thing is the right thing to do.i made a difficult decision just now so that people wont be worrying about me already. I have to. Pretend that i was.strong enuf to face it. Somehow i.told.myself it is a right thing to do. Its alrite sean. You are strong enuf to face such small matter. I know how important that person is to me. Thats why i chose not to burden .not another one.

Haha . Life is beautiful anyway. Its amazing when everything starts with a simple hello And become the hardest goodbye. But like mumy told me... dont regret for.letting go of somebody that you love.
Sad on sad. Happy on happy.F

So yeah.if you are meant to be with the person u loved... nothing can change it. I hope good things will happen. For now.. im moving one step forward and see if i could wait. All the best sean.


I pray . :)