SLIGHTLY STUPID.

I ARGUED WITH JEREMY LAST TUESDAY NIGHT

i dont know what was in my mind by that time. we argued in the phone...since he is far from me.. :S

.

i think i think way too much already .lol

sa tau sa yang over reacted... hoho

i accused him on doing the things that he did not. jahat oh sa... and when he called, he was on duty that night. demam panas lagi .hukk...sa pun sakit jua time ni.

musim sakit bah kan ...jeremy was ordered to work overnight to watch over the crops and stuffs....then he'll just gonna be back during  the breaking dawn...mau satu minggu suda kami seldom brcontact...hmm

sa tau sa terlampau banyak fikir..traumatized from my past. .. the worst thing that i said to him is that i said about seeking for other . and mingling around. hurmmm ..BODDOOh ko shoney.. 

and he didnt raise his voice to me. eventho i know i had hurt him with those words. bayangkan ko sakit2 and kerja ot lagi terus kena tuduh bukan2 ..nda bikin panas kah tu. ...

hekhek... ntah la sa nie... i think i need to calm down n nda fikir gitu jahat .sa tau tu manager dia was very fond of him ..and i know he was on his way to success... (pray for him ) 

heheh tapi kami berbaik sudah lah ...sa yg minta maaf sama dia... adeiii ... hehe

hopefully our relationship will be blessed . AMEN

other story pula... semalam dunia kecoh2 pasal tu kiamat... armageddon . dui.

ada lagi yg cakap 3 days of darkness..but here i am still , in the office, blogging... lulz..

tapi sa kena bagi ne video bah ...lucu ne..hahahah

here it is

The Last day on Earth!!

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wkwkwk...sekali ini hari ...kecoh lagi urang marah2 pasal teda kiamat. budu. .

sa jalan kaki p kerja...teda tambang.. jera oh naik teksi... tapi sekali tu hujan...so fortunately my friend eyla gave me a ride...

sa mau bersyukur sama Tuhan sebab jawab prayer sa.. 

tu hari ba, sa jalan2 kaki pi kerja...sa berpeluh macam buduh sana... then sa stop di satu tembok, duduk sambil merungut2,... terus sa pray sa cakap sa mau ada korita,...atau kasi sa cara lain untuk sampai di tempat kerja without getting sweaty ...sa mau itu seja .. kereta untuk sa pakai p kerja...lulx...sekali kena jawab sa punya prayer... i love you God. hehhe

lucu lah bah...

hehhe ...hurm...kalau betul la manusia boleh ramal kiamat, everyone should be a God. but yeah, try to sacrifice your whole life dulu baru cakap berabis. keh?? 

btw tahun ni mcam awal tahun juga,sa celebrate sendiri2 di kk...

teda cuti ...huhuhu 

sa kerja dulu ..ciaoz !

TAKE OVER CONTROL

So i'm writing again. 

saying that im leaving and cant spend time on blogging is one thing,. .. but yeah i did left.

and eventually i feel like telling some of my recent story.

LOTS OF THING HAD happened recently and some are just good news for me.. and some are really sad ones.

i moved out...yeah ...finally.

Mia moved out and leaves Lana alone.

they went to separate ways.

and its a good thing to Mia though.

but the bad thing she argued with her useless brother and to be truth, he is a total jerk to Mia.

really. 

becuz of money matter, he is willing to kill Mia. the fuck ? 

so like Mia has always felt, she decided not to put respect ANYMORE to her useless bruder.

Useless as in many term. like seriously, he rather kill his own sister to back up his girl .yeah the hell with that . i just dont care. 

you're not worthy anyway. 

in time im needing your guys' help, you weren't around. so why should i have a reason not to disrespect you ? blood relates us , but loyalty is what make us family..

and the day that her brother willing to kill her , that is the very day that Mia's heart has turned very fuckin cold towards him and Lana ofcourse. 

being friends with her, sure still can... but to be housemates ... well... i need to say no for that. 

im taking over my feeling and clearing my sense to a very natural state..whereas i have to do a tough decision on that.. leaving a friend behind. 

its not really my choice though .. but since people are stepping on my head again and again (fact : sa ne lurus bendul ) 

when they know my being and should not suppose to do that, im taking a different way then. 

biarlah... im assuming that i wasnt my fault... feel forced anyway. hahaha

so another thing is that .. im willing to take an occupation that gonna make me totally remote from the city and other people. 

salary's good. 

butttttttttttttttttttt ... my mommy didnt give me the blessing i need. gahhh ... that is the time that i only wished that i was an orphan .

hurm ...so its alrite. 

mum bought an apartment in the city and started moving stuff in there.. she asked me to stay at that house... but the distance to my current workplace is quite far. so i m thinking to come over during the weekend only...least im coming home, aite? 

and another thing is. 

i moved to another workplace too ...going here and there... quite fun ..but really.. duit pun terbanggg,.... exhausted to the max.. and all .

urmmm....but im happy with my new job. 

but i need to sit in front of two big lcd's everyday for like 8 to 10 hours and it makin my eyes really sober. 

tia pa la...cari makan kan gitu ...

bout me and jeremy .. things are great.. ^_^ 

just good. 

hehe

took new pictures and talk about stuffs... 

and it feels so good to see him .

i'll give some sneak peek next time.. 

going back to work now... so thanks for spending times reading. 

happy 13 | 12 |2012 !

ciaoz<3

HELLO DECEMBER !!!

Heypp... im still awake..

so its the first of December Two oh Twelve.. 

hohooh i am very sure that i had been owing my self lots of time to tell bout my story .

.

i love to write and i love to express my feeling thru words.. 

but ever since my lappy crashed and broadband damaged.. i really dont have time to fix them though.

bayangkan sa punya kerja pagi sampai malam baru sampai rumah. hujung minggu memanG sa malaaaaassss mau keluar.. amat ...malas. kecuali, kalu sa ada duit itu masa. wuhhuuuu....

im a kaki wayang too ....despite of being a food lover.. for instance, i could have them both in a time.

i remembered my perangai buruk, membawa mcD big mac and KFC two piece chicken into the cinema hall ...wewhhh ~~ kamu dapat bayang ka macam mana orang2 sebelah sa kempunan terhidu2 tu bau sedap ?? wkwkkwk jahat kan ? ada lagi yg marah coz cannot focus on the mubiee... lulz... 

ahhaha oh wow i never thot its been already a year since my ups and downs... fuhhh should marry myself. 

ahaaa ~~ so lets talk bout my story ... recently ... im wishing my self a happy monthsary with my dear Jeremy .. 

he cannot be there for me on that very day ...becuz of work matter and distance. yes... kami berjauhann ....jauhhh gilak ...kalu urg len , bf dia di sepanggar, dia pula di penampang pun suda rasa jauh ...apakan lagi saya inihh ....

ngam2 lagi sa punya hati betul2 fragile skg..mudah betul give up sama org... urmmm ...tp we manage to handle it... he made effort to call at night during our day ...despite of the fear that bad thugs might peek around... and we talked for minutes and i could happily go to sleep..

:) happy monthsary jeremy 

struggling with life here...  kerja sama client yg amat amat bikin geli and annoying is not easy. i dont know.. maybe land surveyor dept suma la dia punya ba... rules and stuffs suma dia yg atur... our own boss nda pernah sama sekali bising pasal kerja kami which i think is already satisfying but this one old witch memang suka cari masalah cari kesalahan n etc yg negative....emang dasar unta la... hoho...

our contract has been shortened and we are going to end it up at the end of november. but me , and another two friends are called to the HQ to attend the training there... kalu lulus ituh training... .kami keraja lagii ...kalu inda...memang caucincau sudah la... 

but ...different situation is... 

i'd planned to go far far far from this sad sad sad place if i can.... sa nda bule ouh tinggal sini kekeh... sakit kepala sa teringat benda yg sakit sakit... haahhah... budu . 

everywhere has a memory , every place and every song yg selalu sa hadapi di sini ... .

and moreover.... MIA is vey much enuf with prangai c LANA.... she cannot stand to be a hypocrite no longer/....and yes she told her boyfriend about it.. 

so that is why .... sa betul2 perlu jalan. 

kalu tidak...sa stick dengan keadaan yg sussahh mau ubah kiri kanan dia.. 

f im not your mother i dont live everyday to pamper you ... i dont want to live my life with hatred towards person like you..bule ada high blood bah kalu hari2 sakit hati.

yea perhaps she could be her bruder's girl but not a huzmate ... Mia cannot stand low hygiene punya org. seriously . and susa kalu urg yg nda ble terima teguran... .kena tegur terus mau masam muka n sakit2 hati ... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahh !

but i wont blame.. maybe itu suma bermula dari ajaran keluarga and amalan d rumah .. kan ?? and sa nda tau la...maybe sa terlampau terbiasa apa mummy sa ajar pasal hygiene matter tu la sa jahat sikit kalu bab yg ini ... maybe yes being as friends... tapi i realize i cant live with people with low tolerance and lack sense of respect., i cannot forget that stupid night. buu ~ minta maaf la... sa pun manusia juga. 

anyhow.... macam sa dapat juga la pigi jauh at last ... maybe dalam minggu depan... and imma be totally remote from people and surrounding... away from everything... and people that i know. 

sa pigi rehab lah dulu ... 

who knows i'll be able to be back as a new person like im looking forward to be... not this sad emo girl that im livin within myself since forever. hoho


sa rasa ini la pilihan n decision terbesar dalam idup sa pernah sa buat. 
kadang2 sa terfikir... i could leave just everything to live my new life... 
but selama ni budget seja yg jadi halangan... sa nda rasa takut juga mau jalan jauh... well maybe mau melawat dad sa di saaanna  .. kan ? urmm .. 

but yah...next week would be it. sa urus dulu suma utang2 sa di kekeh ne... urus suma yg patut then sa caucincau... sa patut ambik ne peluang la..once in a lifetime urang bilang kan.
i'll miss my friends families and memories... well missing those memories is part of moving on bah kan..

i know i should walk one step forward.. after all the devastation that life has given to me.
life made me lost so much to gain so few... but i will try to give a thousand reason why i still could smile over it. 

thanks for the people that have hurt me and ditch me and abandoned me and betrayed me. they were all my motivator... tapi yg sa paling appreciate sa punya kawan2 la.... terutama yg tau jalan cerita sa.... dorg walaupun ada masalah sendiri tp nda pernah nda bagi sa support to move on.. dyveline, ain,cila,esee, vievie, dieya, grace lee...nantong, bee bee, daphne, ,clizn, ayumi, eyla, pet, and others... my tommy boy friends, and guy friends.... sa sayang ne smua org ...nda sa dapat buat apa pun mau kasi tunjuk yg sa appreciate... tp if i could be happy after what they'd told me to do, then thats mean sa nda kasi sia2 tu nasihat durang.. 

haha... maybe its a little too late to realize after all ...satu tahunnn wooohhh... genap satu tahun sa sakiiiiit memanjang... kalu ini pun orang cakap sa nda bagi cukup peluang... sa pun mau kasi muntah darah dulu la...tgk tu  tukang critic dapat idup lagi ka nda kalu jadi sa.. sa jadi budu ba satuu tahunn ... hahaha... memang bduu ... budu la ...tapi sa tau sa terlampau sayang tu lah sa sanggup btahan . hekhek... *kiss myself* i'd worked way too hard for it .. kan sean ? biar org yg kita syg tu happy sma life yg dia pilih .. its his lost. not me. 

wewh...but i need to work hard on my new relationship la...eventho we've owned each other ... but still effort should be applied onto it... susa juga kalu idle2...sa jera suda. 
jera suda dgn benda yg tak kemana... sa sayang tu family but apa kan daya sa sendiri macam bayang2 seja... 

hurm ...betul oh...sa bukan bebeh , banyak kekurangan...gandut lagi ... wkwkkw...tapi sa bersyukurrr sebab masih ada yg mau hargai sa... 

hehe 

tapi sa nda mau expect apa2 la ne.. biar seja tu flow macam itu .. .ada ada...teda ,teda la... kan . 

i met somebody .. 
 and his name is deyl .
i named him like that. 
he really is an amazing friend. ada dreadlock and yea a good person. he always being supportive to me and jeremy.. i feel glad.. 
i just glad ..meeting new people that actually cares and really being my motivator.. 

there's never a right time to say goodbye

thank you all , k ?

wow.. mcam farewell pula ne...hehe sa pigi rehab seja ba... 
duii ini pun mau bagitau ka..aiya kalu ada c chabey sini...sa salamm oh sama dia sebab mau thank you sama ni budak pasal dia suka sindir2 sa ba dulu ..pastu mau show off show off... besa la kalu budak kan ...hot stuff lagi.... kalu dia nda buat gitu kan...nda kali sa ada hati batu macam skg... kodou bilang kalu dusun . 
sa kasi halal seja pa dia suda buat. pa lagi yg kazen sa punya gulpren ...sa kasi halal seja hypocritism dia., 
n suma la haters sa... sudah la tu yg dulu2.... kamu telan la tu org...sa nda mau high blood oh gara2 sakit hati seja.. lol.. 

ah sudah la...penat sa mau jaga hati org ba.. hati sa ni hancur mancur suda.. betul . fuhh ...square room yg sa idam2 mau tingal lama2 pun terus sa teda mood bah.

kerja lagi ka...pusing2 bah tu gaji ...teda pun dapat save bagi sama mummy sa... hoho ...sa mau try nasib la d tpt lain... wish me luck ^^

tapi im sure... one day my rezeki will come.. i just need to have faith in God and myself.. and effort... bukan mau minta la..tp if me and jeremy werent meant  to be together pun sa rasa sa bule idup suda..sebab ini bukan pertama kali .. ngee palis2... 


hahha wewhhhhh so much to talk about ohh ... yg penting sa nda dapat suda blogging la ... tu jak ... n fbing and all ....gonna be freakin busy with life then .. 

so , have a blessed December 2012 everyone... 

hugs and kisses from me

SHONEYCA <3

Betrayer.

And i thought having a housemate was a good idea. But its farking not. Haha. What a joke. True friend wont talk behind your back issit?? But i feel stabbed again and again...the fact that i kept my mouth shut is becuz i'm the kind of person that is hard to get mad or pissed off but when i did, i can hardly stop. See? I dont make things complicated here, once you had betrayed me, and i found out, you're an end.

 Phuocccyew~

 Lemme give a scenario here... Mia and Lana were staying together. They were friends , and also a good one. Lana has been calling Mia as her sister ever since they known each other. Furthermore, Lana is a girlfriend to Mia's elder brother. And so , as soon as they finish their study, Mia went off an area of the city and stayed there alone, working. After raya , Lana contacted Mia to ask if she could live with her. With a big heart Mia asked her to come over and move in. Month passed, they live together in one empty house. And once the landlord asked them to move out, they moved. Lana came from her hometown with no saving at all.

.

Mia has been responsible for all the expenses of both of them without any complaining despite that she has her own problem. Two months. And ever since they stayed in one small square room , they get used to sleep next to each other. No mattress just comforter. Indeed life is hard for both of them. Lana has encountered problem at her working place and quit eventually. Mia , in the other hand , recommended her to work at her workplace. She was accepted. And they were happily work together, going home together , eat together and etc. Mia trusted Lana so much when Lana started to show her dark side. Lana has been giving a utter disrespect to Mia despite of the fact that they live together. She has been so irresponsible. Eat . . Then the dishes she left there till maggots come. Sleep . . She used to watch movie or listening to music till fall asleep. The thing is, she uses the loudspeakers. Ironing cloth, she uses Mia's comforter blanket as a base and burnt it .

.
She didn't even say sorry to Mia. And doing the laundry, she can't even do a simple thing right. All of these are bothering Mia a lot and so much. Becuz Mia thot that Lana is big enuf to think and shouldn't act like baby instead. She keep it silent. And try to accept Lana's flaws. And then , there's one time , Lana's boyfriend which is also Mia's brother, came over. They were arguing so much and suddenly that fucker asked Mia to get out of the room. He and Lana were making out in term of getting over with their argument. Mia feels so fucking upset that she called her boyfriend, Josh , and once she heard his voice, she burst into tears. Mia has been putting respect on Lana for all these while and she kept stepping on her head. The room that they rented was actually given it's own rules. One of the rule is ' NO OUTSIDER ALLOWED '.


Mia still remembered when Lana went for her convocation at kl, she didn't even mess up with the room. She didn't even bring Josh to come and sleep over when she could actually do that. But Lana is being so stupid that she made out with her boyfriend in that very room. Mia felt disgusted. And she felt hardly to sleep on that comforter ever since. But still, she kept her mouth shut. . Days passed. Then one day the landlord of the room called both of them. They were scolded for being late on paying the rent. And since salary is yet to banked in, they both tried to ask help from family member. Mia is scolded by her own mum instead of getting helped. Her dad didn't even have a single penny just yet at that time.


 Her brother argued with her. And eventually she told Josh and he helped her. She ask help from her sister, Jude and she helped her. On the other hand , Lana didn't even managed to get any help from anybody. Again, Mia did it all. But Mia never blame on Lana. Then one day, Mia cried . She was so upset with her family members. And she shared her problem with Lana. After hearing her problem, Lana made a confession. All these while, it turns out that Mia's own mum has been contacting Lana. And she judges Mia as she actually told it to Lana.

Mia was shocked . She never thot that her own mother would trust other people than trusting her own daughter. That is the point that she felt so fucking betrayed. By the people around her. She don't know her family anymore. And she doesn't like Lana anymore. She wants to leave and go far far away from the people she known. Lana doesn't know about this. But Mia is determined to leave her soon. So that's the scenario. I only could say that i'm so disappointed with my own family and the person that i thot were my friend. I just gonna leave these people. Moreover, whats d point for being so dumb and just let the world step on you? I hate betrayal.


Seriously i do. I'll leave soon. Just wait and see.

life. The New Leaf

Colorful life, isn't it..?? True... Becuz we never knew what might happen to us in the future.


 Meet jeremy, he's my friend before, a good one. And i never expect things like this would happen.. Three times of trying, the fourth time he managed to have me as his girlfriend. 22th october,. He kneeled down and proposes to me in front of the public ... Weewwh ... I was in cloud nine, a dream that is too good to be true. my heart tells me , do give it a shot tis time. And so...i took the propose. Next day i met his parents and had a great dinner and talk together. The family are so warm and cheerful. Especially his mum. Lots of advices were given. And somehow i feel secured... I love what i feel. I feel being wanted . I feel that i could happily tell the world about who am i to someone. It was my dream anyway. Im tired of becoming a shadow .. And feel tired of getting a simplest thing in the hardest way,....

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 Jeremy and me. This is a beautiful feeling. He grabs me and kissed my forehead as he tells me, 'you dont have to be afraid of letting go anymore' i smiled and i know he meant it. So i decide.... I have to let go. Ajin, our stories and our fate. Puzzle left undone. I loved him before, more than i loved myself. But he never sees it in me. But i dont and wont blame him for choosing a better girl out there. Furthermore, i cannot hate him. :) which is good for me. I'll try to live as happy as i can with my new story.

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 Quite sad becuz soon after meeting his family, jeremy and them went back to hometown which is far from me and the fact that he works in non-line coverage areas, is really tempting. But i know i can cope. Sa biasa suda juga. And i know i dont have to be worry. :) i pray that everything is gonna be fine , my story,ajin's story, i know he is happy without me.. :) i'll get better in time , Amen.


 My story. Finance problem is all it... I wish i could get out from this problem. Suffocated much. life at work somehow is really tiring.but i am grateful as it teaches me how hard its like to earn a single penny out of your sweat like seriously. I know now. Thank you Lord for teaching me. Family. This word is now a stranger for me, i felt like i am not exist. In family, suppose that we are standing firm with each other. But seems like things turn the other way around. I dont know why shud i get to live life like tnis . I knoww i shudnt blame them. I will improve myself and pay my debts to them.thanks family, i feel that im not exist among you guys. Huuu...all i know now is that i cannot predict future.

Despite of my hatred towards guy, jeremy gave me a reason not to. --.relieved now. I wont take this chance for granted. ..IMMA LOVE MY LIFE HEARTFULLY! ciaozzz

jumaat yg blank

Apa yang jadi tadi ? Saya hampir kena langgar kereta .. Jalan terus tanpa ada fikir apa apa. Kenapa saya hari ni . . . Suda hampir 5 hari sa sendiri , dieya pg kehel ikut konvo.

 Kenapa sy x pg? Ada banyak reason. . , 1st. . .masalah kewangan, mum pun x dapat afford untuk konvo sbb dia banyak hal perlu diurus. 2nd kalu me n bon pun dua2 ikut konvo...means the expenses gonna be doubled too.. Kn? 3rd... Ajin pernah cakap yg dia akan ksi teman sya pi konvo.,.but now??? He's somewhere out there with other people. Semua ni kalau sy terlalu fikir, sy sendiri sakit. I know no one can help me to cure this pain. Cuma sy yg boleh pilih jalan yg sy mau. Either to keep falling down..or to look up and move forward, sy pilih moving on. Tapi sejujur nya... The past kept haunting me. My soul ..it is torned and in vain. Empty and lost. Sa pernah rasa yg sa ni cuma badan yg bergerak..p kerja... Makan ,,tidur, thats it.

.

Future planning? The path is not as easy as i think. Even tho karim and geng karuks sa sentiasa kasi hibur hati sa, sometimes, at many time..,sa jealous tgk sis dieya btexting dgn bf, bkoling.,, huhu... My hp slalu guna untuk download lagu,internet...n this..blogging. Hbis kredit pun gara2 ini ja. -.. Memang la xda bf pun boleh steady... Tapi keadaan sy lain. Sy selalu bertanya sama diri sendiri. KENAPA SAYA!? Hmm... Puzzle undone.

.

Tu ja yg sy boleh cakap. Sy cuma terkilan la orang mudah lupa diri .. Bila dia ada segalanya... Tapi sy pula yg kena cakap lupa diri, i was like, really?. You're dead wrong .. Sy slalu doa yg hati sa ne kena bagi ketenangan yg paling tenang la supaya bila sa mati kah , dia suda kawin ka, dia jalan depan mata sa dgn bini dia ka, sy x akan berdendam.,juga x akan sakit. Malah hari2 sa doa untuk dia... Thats all . Sy berazam mau improve diri, at least ini lah reward sa untuk diri sa.,, suda mau hampir satu tahun ini sa menangis untuk somebody yg tidak sedar dgn pbuatan dia. Jujur sa cakap. Sa mmg sayang dia.

                                                                             

                                                                                   him

 Sy tidak mau jadi beban dia . Banyak lagi perempuan yg mengharap untuk berada di sisi dia, hurmm..if ada doremon kan.. Sa minta tu dia kasi klon si rj supaya tiada hard feeling lg. Secara x langsung pa yg terjadi selama ni effect dia x pernah ilang..sakit. Tp entah kenapa sa rasa sa betul sayang dia sampai x dapat benci dia. :) Tuhan ja yg tahu.apa jalan terbaik untuk semua orang, sy just mau berserah.. Fokus dgn keja,,, n tidak menjangka apa2. By that way.. I wont hurt so much.

Ajinca

Saya mimpi pasal ajin. Nitemare. Saya bg motivate diri, i told myself that he wanted to ' find ' me in other girl becuz he cannot stand to see my face and remembered my past. Sa pernah bgtau dia, sa ada dalam keadaan dia skg, and sa terima segala pbuatan dia. Sa terima segala keburukan dia.. N dia nampak sendiri mcm mana sakit pun sa tanggung, sa tetap ada d sisi dia. Tapi penerimaan dia x sama. Sa conclude yg dia masih mencari jawapan yg dia mahu. I could see that thru him. No matter how many girls that came to him after me , he never find what he wanted for.

.

If not. . . Perempuan won't come in numbers. Ajin , ko jadi diri sendiri ko hanya bila ada sa dgn ko. Segala perangai n nature ko pun ada . Tapi how sweet you became when you are with them. Ko x sedar tu kan? Sy bgtau diri sy. Sy mau terima penerimaan dia terhadap sy . Dia x dapat forgive my past. I could not say anything more. Yg sy tahu ,even mcm mana hina pun dia skg,if dia dgn sy, sy besar hati akan terima keadaan dia. Dari dia zero. Sampai dia ada semua. Sy ada dalam tu proses.


Tapi maybe becuz sy nampak zero di mata dia, dia juz nampak kelemahan and kekurangan sy. Lagi satu sa terfikir, if sa mau terima dia seadanya, ada banyak lagi pmpuan yg mau terima dia seadanya kan? They're fighting to be with him. Choices is all on him. Maybe saya la yg paling buruk di mata dia. So thats why sa mau improve diri sa,untuk sa sendiri.

.

He wasnt here for me. But i am there for him . Even if sa suda improve and dia terlimpas sa 1 day, and still dia pandang sa zero, apa boleh buat la kan? I can't impress the world but to myself. Acceptance phase. Saya maafkan fact ni.dugaan ni . Yea, i dont deserve him selagi sa x improve. He always said , 'u always the shoney that i've known' . Hm. Dia x pernah terfikir kah yg dia buat tu mcm mana effect dgn sa?till today. Sa masi fikir tntang dia. . N sakit .coz sa tau sa lah manusia yg dia xmau dekat.

.
Jadi, to contact him pun jadi benda yg sy have to Not do. rindu . Ko. Ajin. Anyway. Sa terima keadaan skg. I wont berebut. Just i wud look up and hear from him in the time being. Apa pun. Mulut2 yang pernah fitnah sa d telinga ajin, God bless u. Ingat ja kita smua boleh dihukum bila2. Reality skg,ajin ada d sini tapi sa x akan ganggu dia . Choices is on him. Apa pun pilihan dia. Sa terima n respect ja. Im way in love with him.


Too much till cant hate. No regret. ^_^ k bye

hoy-hoy~~~

Miku's birthday... She gets an ipad . Mummy dia ada cakap yg dia mau tunggu sampai hari ini baru belikan dia ipad. She has been longing for it since ever.. S3 suda dapat, ipad lagi... Lucky girl huh?

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Hehe... We planned to meet today but sa rasa sangat penat coz overtime lagi... Mgrain.makan megy jak sa... Huhu,,. Loya lagi... So i decide to go back home. Sa rasa Acceptance phase ni paling serenity la buat saya sendiri. I alwways motivate myself.. Sa bulum ada kereta, rumah n duit sendiri...ada hati mau sinta2.. Ngam juga la i let ajin choose... Coz i think he deserves better choices.. I wont blame , .. Hurm sa rinduu ko ajin :) jaga diri baik2 okaii?? Im doing much better here.. Sa tinggal alone sekejap lepas ne.. Suma orang pg konvo... Sa jak tidak . Um malas la pigi...ada la reason sa sendiri.. Keja jak that time . Heheje Sa ada beli fighting fish..

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My new pet...dua ikurrr.... Sumantik nehh...ehehehe At least buang boring n emptiness sa neh... Baru2 ne ada urang mau tekel2 sa... Tapi yg sa nda bule terima ne yg dia punya cara...kin takut, Nvm,,, i think i will stick to myself. Sa minat tommy boy bah..hehe..cemana juga..ngee... Internet? Not so active in blogging ody. Sepa la ada mood mo guna henpon seja online kn. Hurm... I named my pet fish,.,karim n flawohorn Sa ada lagi karuks. Siokkkk piara ekaannn~~


 Heheh...sa penat ba ni. Hari2 keja sampai malam. K la...happy birthday to ida Wish her bestf luck this 22th.. Sa sayang family ajin. Like seriously.. ^^ Nway..i loved my family more.. Klah ciaoz

cold night

Something wakes me up suddenly. Looked at my watch. 12 sharp . F thats scary. Its cold and undescribable . My neck felt cold now. *sigh Apa lah benda tu. Sejuk seluruh badan sa skg. Tadi pun one of my karuks are giving weird act like swimming around the container rapidly with only one fin functioning. I thot it is dying but just now i take a look on it, still alive but is very not normal. Something bad is happening? few weeks before , sa termimpi gg patah. People said that its a sign of death among close members or family. God please don't let me into that temptation.

 People abandon me i still could accept it. But not death. before, sis dieya hampir kena langgar gara2 cincin dia jatuh di jalanraya masa limpas jalan.sa betul2 mau jatuh dah jantung sa coz sa x mau ada apa apa bah berlaku.fuhh Tapi what makes me worried the most is this middle of the month. Semua orang pg convo, decluding me. During that week imma be alone in the office without my friends around, and also alone at home without sis dieya.. Not that i haven't went through this before! But i am worried that time if i couldn't afford to look up on myself. Scared Life sa skarang cuma tertumpu dgn kerja, rasa penat fullblast hari2, makan,tidur ,fb ing and twitter. Life afternight tu x ada suda. I reminisced that he always brought me everywhere at midnite for a stay out or car race and night life. Kadang2 rindu mau tengok laut at nite. But my life is limited to exhaustment here after work. Only weekend that could give me chance to rest and go out !

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 Oh i felt like an adult now. Being stuck with responsibilities and too many thing to worry about. Haha tidak lama rambut putih sa akan tumbuh lor. But sa happy hidup simple and worries sa cuma atas finance ,kerja,n gaya hidup. Sa tekad maw kasi panjang rambut and bleach kao2. N jadi perempuan dewasa. Haha ada la tu sa rancang.

 I bought a pet fish again recently. Kawan panggil itu ikan laga. I called it karim. Wkwkwk sa teringat patung itik si mahani, i think its a funnay name. Ahaha And if my life is stable already. . I planned to have a car and a toy poddle. Wewh. Hidup single memang busy kah ? Wahaha. . . Sa rasa macam tdak mau kawen ne. Wkwkwk sa mau adopt baby gal. . And thats it.

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 Henpon sa? Sa tidak perlu risau pun mau topup atau tidak. Tpi whatsapp sa bikin habis keridit bah even standby mode. Budu ne,,,, teda2 pun sa pakai. So in a week, i reloaded my phone thrice times . Only becuz my subscription to the internet. Teman sms and kol? Wahaha sa cuma slalu berhubung dengan mum and sis dieya. Kdang2 my tommy boy friends will call and sometimes the guy friends. Tapi macam sa yang repel ne,.. Maybe feeling hatred towards guy havent faded. Lol sa nda dapat terima guy ooooh dalam idup sa dalam masa terdekat ne. ..-BUT a toMmy boy, yeah maybe.

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 hehe sis dieya suddenly mentioned about her tadi. dia cakap she always go sing k. Grr.. Terus sa teringat lagi dua bulan yg singkat tu. Suda2 ... Cant mention bout her nemore..huu Kami dua sis ada problem finance skng but i believe God will not let us down. sa yakin jak ne. Ngeee YAwnnnn** Gilak... apa la yang kasi bangun sa tu tadi...


IMma continue my beauty sleep now.. dONe merapu. Friends , family, haters and enemies, God bless us. Sweet dream

Whatever.

2 months and still counting. 10 months of misery. . Starting today . . 我要爱我自己. . 不管他有没有在我身边……我一定能做到。 Choices is always on him. But i wanna choose what is good for me too.

Month of Rosary

The month of October is dedicated to the Holy Rosary. According to an account by fifteenth-century Dominican, Alan de la Roch, Mary appeared to St. Dominic in 1206 after he had been praying and doing severe penances because of his lack of success in combating the Albigensian heresy. Mary praised him for his valiant fight against the heretics and then gave him the Rosary as a mighty weapon, explained its uses and efficacy, and told him to preach it to others.

 "Since the prayers of the Rosary come from such excellent sources — from Our Lord Himself, from inspired Scripture, and from the Church — it is not surprising that the Rosary is so dear to our Blessed Mother and so powerful with heaven. "If we consider the power of the Rosary as seen in its effects, we find a great abundance of proofs of its wonderful value. Many are the favors granted to private individuals through its devout recitation: there are few devoted users of the Rosary who cannot testify to experiencing its power in their own lives. If we turn to history, we see many great triumphs of the Rosary. 

Early tradition attributes the defeat of the Albigensians at the Battle of Muret in 1213 to the Rosary. But even those who do not accept this tradition will admit that St. Pius V attributed the great defeat of the Turkish fleet on the first Sunday of October, 1571, to the fact that at the same time the Rosary confraternities at Rome and elsewhere were holding their processions. Accordingly, he ordered a commemoration of the Rosary to be made on that day. 

Two years later, Gregory XIII allowed the celebration of a feast of the Rosary in churches having an altar dedicated to the Rosary. In 1671, Clement X extended the feast to all Spain. A second great victory over the Turks, who once, like the Russians, threatened the ruin of Christian civilization, occurred on August 5, 1716, when Prince Eugene defeated them at Peterwardein in Hungary. There upon Clement XI extended the feast of the Rosary to the whole Church. 

"Today, when dangers far greater than those of the ancient Turks threaten not only Christianity but all civilization, we are urged by our Blessed Mother to turn again to the Rosary for help. If men in sufficient numbers do this, and at the same time carry out the other conditions that she has laid down, we have the greater reason for confidence that we will be delivered from our dangers."

Sunday the 30th

Hello. I'm back and start to write again. I woke up early and done nothing. Nor going to church. Wewh. 3 weeks huh? Been a while i'm living my life this month. Haha Sa n sis dieya ditimpa kesusahan baru-baru ini. The landlord of the house we rent pushes us to move out ever since we're back to kk. We were very miserable that time . No body to help. No body to count on .

Four days. Tu tempoh kami untuk pindah. Bersusah payah btl cari rumah n bilik mau sewa. Day after day, at last hari ke 3,kami dapat small room for rent . Well at least kan. Rm300. Terbang mcm tu saja. . .sudah la pertengahan bulan. Entah kenapa time kita happy2, time tu juga kita dapat pblem. Tapi sa bersyukur coz dapat juga menyewa n selamat daripada tidur di siring jalan. Wkwkwk

 Malam tu hujan. N kami ulang alik angkat barang untuk pindah di bilik baru. Ouwh i think that time my heart is crying. Cos muda2 lagi sa idup mcm ne. Tapi that's how life teaches us to grow up. Mum pun saya x bgtaw. . Sebab she had told me b4 yg dia bnyak pblem. Thats why x mau tambah2 lagi. Bilik baru, environment baru, orang2 sebelah bilik x bertegur sama sendri. Ada 1 jak uncle tu murah hati ,dia ckap pakai ja gas dapur dia untuk masak. Terus kami pun continue life la cni,,, legaaaaa sangat prblem bilik suda settle .


 Life sa di tempat keja okay lah juga tapi sa jarang ot sudah... Tula susah mo earn money... Sa tau mesti parents lagi susah mo jaga satu family kan... Hurmm... Sabar seja la Life sa dengan ajin, erm,., problem family buat diorang jadi lebih rapat to each other. His mum ask me to come too.. Dia cakap bikin tambah doa berkat sama family. She told me to be patience with anything. And i was there go tnru together with them all the way solving the problem. Even just untuk jadi ahli pendengar . Erm erm. His mum said anything happened , i'll always be part of the family, sa sayu juga la kena ckap gitu, sa tau dorg tau sa sayang dorg.. :) But i pun boundaries already to me and him. Gila ka sa gitu? Act dont care suda ..hehe..


But ytday he sent me home, he hugged n kissed my forehead Syukur . Redha ja. Life sa just ada finance problem. Jadi loner bule, kalu ada duit makan kan. Tapi sa motivate diri, if xda makan, bule jadi kurus, mum ajin pun cakap sa kurus sudah.. Hehe.. Hari ni maybe mau p potong rambut ninik lampir sa Paaaaaanjang suda.. Tp malas mau bersiap.. Hhu jadi ikan masin dulu di rumah... K la thats all i wanted to say..ciaoz

Dear Daddy

Dad. . I missed you suddenly. I miss it when i could spend time with you and laugh together like bestfriends. I miss how you carry me to my bed when i fall asleep. . . Dad, i have lotsa of things i wanna let you know. . -Why aren't you here with us. .

 It's been years since i last saw you. . . I'd become a lady now. I grew up to this day without you.. I went thru many tough situation dad. Why i have to lose so many to gain a few? Its so unfair dad. I wish you were here to comfort me. . . I am so enough of losing the people i loved the most. . I forgive that person for stealing my happiness and left me at my lowest. . . 

All i want is to have a happy life. -But dad, i know , real life is a bitch. -Sometimes at many times, i just want to end my life. But yea i'll keep moving on. . I wanna be just like mum . When you left . . We are zero. But now she's a tough strong heart mummy. . . I hope in another life we all can be one family again. I love and miss you dad.

Naga Oh Naga...

Just as i bet with your sister. You surely will bring any other girl to your place when i'm not around. Hahaha nafsu naga kah . . .gud la c chabey yg luang masa dgn ko ni hjung mggu. . . I got my pao :D. Ya ,malas mau pduli but your sister said i won the betting. Ngee. . . . I won't bother you la k? Get marry, have children. Be happy. Good luck you. Haha . . .

Good game indeed.

kemarin sa busy fullblast dengan Suky... 

twas helping her with her charity night event yesterday,, daddy dia yg anjur.... so me and her become the mC ... 

wewh .~ chinese organization .. 

somehow sa kekok juga la coz.. di rumah tu majority suma org chinese... ada yg dari lain-lain tempat.. Sandakan, west malaysia, china and yes from KM itself. 

they all spoke to each other in mandarin, hakka and cantonese... nasib bek sa buleh2 juga kampung2 mo faham n menjawab kalu ditanya... wkwkkw

ramai neh veteran sana... 8am sa sudah gerak pi sana... we did the rehearsal ... sa tulung2 juga la buat kerja lain such as printing, typing n mengunting voucher and cards. 

panattt .. panat tu otak ...bukan tenaga yg banyak kena pakai ...tapi mo banyak fikir kan ..tu seja la.. 

then kami makan ... n etc etc.... 1.30pm sa balik rumah.... suky said she will gonna fetch me at 3 sharp ... 

so sa cepat2 ambik peluang mo rehat... tertidur ah.. sampai 2.59pm ... gilakkk ...kelam kabut me... sudah la hp sa ada kena miskol .. .wkwkw

then 3.++Pm we rush back to her house... bersiap ...sa yg blur blur neh .. kena suruh duduk n they started the makeover.... simpan mekap tebal2 gilak ...sa pun kasi rela seja.... hahaha... nanti sa upload tu pic... mekap paling tebal di dunia. ..

 berat truss kening sa... macam GEISHA sudah ... 

then .... wearing the dress...

we then off to dewan serbaguna KM ... 

pastu rehearsal lagi sekali ...7pm event started... ada juga la nervous... tp nda berapa ...coz suma orang sana sa nda kenal ...ALL CHINESE>.,<

then ... pg naik stage cakap2 pun sa buat dunno seja even ramai yg maybe tengok2 sa ...n heran kenapa sa sana... (fikiran racist) wkwkwk ...no bah . 

sa seja tu perasaan macam tu .

then the event goes for 4 hours... 11pm sa sampai rumah ...sempat lagi SS ...sa teringat yg ada dua kawan mo minta buat fansign berbulan lalu ...

sa pun buat la semalam ... entah apa kejadian ...suda la tebal2 tu mekap ... muka basi lagi... hahhaha...

nda pa la...yg penting sa ada buat. 

ngehehe (Geds) 

hari ni kami balik kk suda,.. :s

mummy is very fond of sis dieya ... 

she likes her.. .

pandai kemas rumah, buat keja rumah... na syukur la tu kan ... 

ble suda kawin .

we are like siblings suda... 

i hope next month popoey will move in our house..then we are all can stick together again ... 

sa sayang durang neh ,,.. i think if sa nda kawin pun as long as my siblings are around... then i will be alright. 

heheh 

okeh i got two sneak peek pic from last nite... here it is. ...c mekap taballll ~~ 

sa rasa cam tu org indon suda ... ehehhee.... : p

okeh la mo packing suda p kk....tempat yg paling bkin sakit hati .. .:D 

good day y'all  ~ BUBYE >>> CiAoZ !!

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Song that touch my heart, like truly i am diggin in it.

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times

I told you everything, you know my feelings

It never crossed my mind that there would be a time

For us to say goodbye, what a big surprise

But I'm not lost, I'm not gone

I haven't forgot

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again

Remember when

I remember when it was 'Together till the end'

Now I'm alone again, where do I begin?

I cried a little bit, you died a little bit

Please say there's no regrets and say you won't forget

But I'm not lost and I'm not gone

I haven't forgot

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again

Remember when

That was then, now it's the end

I'm not going back, I can't pretend

Remember when

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again