Saya mimpi pasal ajin. Nitemare. Saya bg motivate diri, i told myself that he wanted to ' find ' me in other girl becuz he cannot stand to see my face and remembered my past. Sa pernah bgtau dia, sa ada dalam keadaan dia skg, and sa terima segala pbuatan dia. Sa terima segala keburukan dia.. N dia nampak sendiri mcm mana sakit pun sa tanggung, sa tetap ada d sisi dia. Tapi penerimaan dia x sama. Sa conclude yg dia masih mencari jawapan yg dia mahu. I could see that thru him. No matter how many girls that came to him after me , he never find what he wanted for.
If not. . . Perempuan won't come in numbers. Ajin , ko jadi diri sendiri ko hanya bila ada sa dgn ko. Segala perangai n nature ko pun ada . Tapi how sweet you became when you are with them. Ko x sedar tu kan? Sy bgtau diri sy. Sy mau terima penerimaan dia terhadap sy . Dia x dapat forgive my past. I could not say anything more. Yg sy tahu ,even mcm mana hina pun dia skg,if dia dgn sy, sy besar hati akan terima keadaan dia. Dari dia zero. Sampai dia ada semua. Sy ada dalam tu proses.
Tapi maybe becuz sy nampak zero di mata dia, dia juz nampak kelemahan and kekurangan sy. Lagi satu sa terfikir, if sa mau terima dia seadanya, ada banyak lagi pmpuan yg mau terima dia seadanya kan? They're fighting to be with him. Choices is all on him. Maybe saya la yg paling buruk di mata dia. So thats why sa mau improve diri sa,untuk sa sendiri.
He wasnt here for me. But i am there for him . Even if sa suda improve and dia terlimpas sa 1 day, and still dia pandang sa zero, apa boleh buat la kan? I can't impress the world but to myself. Acceptance phase. Saya maafkan fact ni.dugaan ni . Yea, i dont deserve him selagi sa x improve. He always said , 'u always the shoney that i've known' . Hm. Dia x pernah terfikir kah yg dia buat tu mcm mana effect dgn sa?till today. Sa masi fikir tntang dia. . N sakit .coz sa tau sa lah manusia yg dia xmau dekat.
Jadi, to contact him pun jadi benda yg sy have to Not do. rindu . Ko. Ajin. Anyway. Sa terima keadaan skg. I wont berebut. Just i wud look up and hear from him in the time being. Apa pun. Mulut2 yang pernah fitnah sa d telinga ajin, God bless u. Ingat ja kita smua boleh dihukum bila2. Reality skg,ajin ada d sini tapi sa x akan ganggu dia . Choices is on him. Apa pun pilihan dia. Sa terima n respect ja. Im way in love with him.
Too much till cant hate. No regret. ^_^ k bye
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