Sunday the 30th

Hello. I'm back and start to write again. I woke up early and done nothing. Nor going to church. Wewh. 3 weeks huh? Been a while i'm living my life this month. Haha Sa n sis dieya ditimpa kesusahan baru-baru ini. The landlord of the house we rent pushes us to move out ever since we're back to kk. We were very miserable that time . No body to help. No body to count on .

Four days. Tu tempoh kami untuk pindah. Bersusah payah btl cari rumah n bilik mau sewa. Day after day, at last hari ke 3,kami dapat small room for rent . Well at least kan. Rm300. Terbang mcm tu saja. . .sudah la pertengahan bulan. Entah kenapa time kita happy2, time tu juga kita dapat pblem. Tapi sa bersyukur coz dapat juga menyewa n selamat daripada tidur di siring jalan. Wkwkwk

 Malam tu hujan. N kami ulang alik angkat barang untuk pindah di bilik baru. Ouwh i think that time my heart is crying. Cos muda2 lagi sa idup mcm ne. Tapi that's how life teaches us to grow up. Mum pun saya x bgtaw. . Sebab she had told me b4 yg dia bnyak pblem. Thats why x mau tambah2 lagi. Bilik baru, environment baru, orang2 sebelah bilik x bertegur sama sendri. Ada 1 jak uncle tu murah hati ,dia ckap pakai ja gas dapur dia untuk masak. Terus kami pun continue life la cni,,, legaaaaa sangat prblem bilik suda settle .


 Life sa di tempat keja okay lah juga tapi sa jarang ot sudah... Tula susah mo earn money... Sa tau mesti parents lagi susah mo jaga satu family kan... Hurmm... Sabar seja la Life sa dengan ajin, erm,., problem family buat diorang jadi lebih rapat to each other. His mum ask me to come too.. Dia cakap bikin tambah doa berkat sama family. She told me to be patience with anything. And i was there go tnru together with them all the way solving the problem. Even just untuk jadi ahli pendengar . Erm erm. His mum said anything happened , i'll always be part of the family, sa sayu juga la kena ckap gitu, sa tau dorg tau sa sayang dorg.. :) But i pun boundaries already to me and him. Gila ka sa gitu? Act dont care suda ..hehe..


But ytday he sent me home, he hugged n kissed my forehead Syukur . Redha ja. Life sa just ada finance problem. Jadi loner bule, kalu ada duit makan kan. Tapi sa motivate diri, if xda makan, bule jadi kurus, mum ajin pun cakap sa kurus sudah.. Hehe.. Hari ni maybe mau p potong rambut ninik lampir sa Paaaaaanjang suda.. Tp malas mau bersiap.. Hhu jadi ikan masin dulu di rumah... K la thats all i wanted to say..ciaoz

Dear Daddy

Dad. . I missed you suddenly. I miss it when i could spend time with you and laugh together like bestfriends. I miss how you carry me to my bed when i fall asleep. . . Dad, i have lotsa of things i wanna let you know. . -Why aren't you here with us. .

 It's been years since i last saw you. . . I'd become a lady now. I grew up to this day without you.. I went thru many tough situation dad. Why i have to lose so many to gain a few? Its so unfair dad. I wish you were here to comfort me. . . I am so enough of losing the people i loved the most. . I forgive that person for stealing my happiness and left me at my lowest. . . 

All i want is to have a happy life. -But dad, i know , real life is a bitch. -Sometimes at many times, i just want to end my life. But yea i'll keep moving on. . I wanna be just like mum . When you left . . We are zero. But now she's a tough strong heart mummy. . . I hope in another life we all can be one family again. I love and miss you dad.

Naga Oh Naga...

Just as i bet with your sister. You surely will bring any other girl to your place when i'm not around. Hahaha nafsu naga kah . . .gud la c chabey yg luang masa dgn ko ni hjung mggu. . . I got my pao :D. Ya ,malas mau pduli but your sister said i won the betting. Ngee. . . . I won't bother you la k? Get marry, have children. Be happy. Good luck you. Haha . . .

Good game indeed.

kemarin sa busy fullblast dengan Suky... 

twas helping her with her charity night event yesterday,, daddy dia yg anjur.... so me and her become the mC ... 

wewh .~ chinese organization .. 

somehow sa kekok juga la coz.. di rumah tu majority suma org chinese... ada yg dari lain-lain tempat.. Sandakan, west malaysia, china and yes from KM itself. 

they all spoke to each other in mandarin, hakka and cantonese... nasib bek sa buleh2 juga kampung2 mo faham n menjawab kalu ditanya... wkwkkw

ramai neh veteran sana... 8am sa sudah gerak pi sana... we did the rehearsal ... sa tulung2 juga la buat kerja lain such as printing, typing n mengunting voucher and cards. 

panattt .. panat tu otak ...bukan tenaga yg banyak kena pakai ...tapi mo banyak fikir kan ..tu seja la.. 

then kami makan ... n etc etc.... 1.30pm sa balik rumah.... suky said she will gonna fetch me at 3 sharp ... 

so sa cepat2 ambik peluang mo rehat... tertidur ah.. sampai 2.59pm ... gilakkk ...kelam kabut me... sudah la hp sa ada kena miskol .. .wkwkw

then 3.++Pm we rush back to her house... bersiap ...sa yg blur blur neh .. kena suruh duduk n they started the makeover.... simpan mekap tebal2 gilak ...sa pun kasi rela seja.... hahaha... nanti sa upload tu pic... mekap paling tebal di dunia. ..

 berat truss kening sa... macam GEISHA sudah ... 

then .... wearing the dress...

we then off to dewan serbaguna KM ... 

pastu rehearsal lagi sekali ...7pm event started... ada juga la nervous... tp nda berapa ...coz suma orang sana sa nda kenal ...ALL CHINESE>.,<

then ... pg naik stage cakap2 pun sa buat dunno seja even ramai yg maybe tengok2 sa ...n heran kenapa sa sana... (fikiran racist) wkwkwk ...no bah . 

sa seja tu perasaan macam tu .

then the event goes for 4 hours... 11pm sa sampai rumah ...sempat lagi SS ...sa teringat yg ada dua kawan mo minta buat fansign berbulan lalu ...

sa pun buat la semalam ... entah apa kejadian ...suda la tebal2 tu mekap ... muka basi lagi... hahhaha...

nda pa la...yg penting sa ada buat. 

ngehehe (Geds) 

hari ni kami balik kk suda,.. :s

mummy is very fond of sis dieya ... 

she likes her.. .

pandai kemas rumah, buat keja rumah... na syukur la tu kan ... 

ble suda kawin .

we are like siblings suda... 

i hope next month popoey will move in our house..then we are all can stick together again ... 

sa sayang durang neh ,,.. i think if sa nda kawin pun as long as my siblings are around... then i will be alright. 

heheh 

okeh i got two sneak peek pic from last nite... here it is. ...c mekap taballll ~~ 

sa rasa cam tu org indon suda ... ehehhee.... : p

okeh la mo packing suda p kk....tempat yg paling bkin sakit hati .. .:D 

good day y'all  ~ BUBYE >>> CiAoZ !!

..

Song that touch my heart, like truly i am diggin in it.

Remember when I cried to you a thousand times

I told you everything, you know my feelings

It never crossed my mind that there would be a time

For us to say goodbye, what a big surprise

But I'm not lost, I'm not gone

I haven't forgot

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again

Remember when

I remember when it was 'Together till the end'

Now I'm alone again, where do I begin?

I cried a little bit, you died a little bit

Please say there's no regrets and say you won't forget

But I'm not lost and I'm not gone

I haven't forgot

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again

Remember when

That was then, now it's the end

I'm not going back, I can't pretend

Remember when

These feelings I can't shake no more

This feeling's running out the door

I can feel it falling down

And I'm not coming back around

These feelings I can't take no more

This emptiness in the bottom drawer

It's getting harder to pretend

And I'm not coming back around again

HOme Suweet Home

 I’m going back to my hometown today,

Sa bawa sis dieya sama2.

She looks so happy and enjoyed it here, except for the pet cats that my family owned, she cannot hold her fear towards cat… dia taku kucengg ~ ahaha… makin dorang c bobby kc main-main dia… hurm sa pun kc biar jak la… ekeke jahat kan . 

This is her very first time to visit Kota Marudu .

I think she can get use to this place if I bring her more often, kan ? 

Planning to give a visit twice a month … if ikutkan hati memang tiap minggu pun boleh balik …to avoid stupid feeling strikes… tapi duit tu yang susa mo cakap.. 

Kami p jolok mangga tadi (too bad I forgot to snap pictures) 

Me, mummy and sis Dieya… among three of us.. mummy yang paling enjoy p jolok2 tu mangga… well ..skg kan musim …jadi at the backyard.. ada dua pokok mangga yg lebat ne berbuah …satu mangga wani (yummeh_) and satu tu pokok mangga air.,,, (asyaamm )

Kami collect buah mangga sampai satu kotak banyak …really…sangaaaat banyakkk gilakk ~

Sa ketawa2 bah tengok dorang …pro neh jolok mangga.. 

As for me… ayam mati .. pegang tu bamboo jolok pun nda pandai… urang kampong kah juga tu begitu …ehehehe

Meanwhile…. Perjalanan balik kg tadi agak best la… lemme tell a whole lot of merapu story tonight ok ? 

.

Pagi seawal 6am kami dua sis dieya bangun…she bangun dulu and then wake me up …

Hari ini SABTU. 

Tapi still we woke up early…started with the packing bags … cleaning the house… bagi ikan makan …then we mandi bergilir… 

Wewh ….period bersiap tu yg lama ….macam artis.. cewaah.. nda bah …kan rumah tu … hurm …bulb lampu ruang tamu and bilik ndak idup …the kipas even so .

Susah hati sa… mo fikir buat tu maintenance entah berapa mo bayar..

Tapi cerita sa sini… memandangkan lampu ndak hidup …terpaksa kami bergilir mo bersiap depan cermin di bilik yg satu lagi …cian ne…

.

X x x x x x x x x x x x X

We reached kk at 10.30am … sa planning mo bawa sis dieya simpan beg di Giant dalam plaza tu … .so we pun rushed there………….tapi get caught by the chief security there…. Ndak sporting baa…adakah kami cakap sekijap jak pun dia ndak bagi … so he lead us to the counter to take back our things when we walk out of the supermarket. Gilak …. Ketawa2 neh kami keluar dari sana…rasa lucu bah kena busted cam tu ,,,hoho terpaksa la membawa beg tu ke sana ke sini …macam lari dari rumah pun ada …wkwkwkkw…

So we went to our waiting port McD api-api and have a rest there… tadi tu kami pecahlaju di KFC kunun … hoho … waited quite a long time then kami pun bergilak la sana… ambik pic and ketawa2… cerita2 pasal hidup masing-masing…and ketawa2 lagi .. 

.

Sa upload satu pic neh ba… then terus my friend called… he said that im fat suda…

So sa jawab dia …sa happy bah tu la makin huge…lol ^^ betul plaa tu kan …sa happy kenapa ? sebab sa betul dapat buat apa yg patut … 

N sa punya babat neh pun sumbangan dari kawan2 di opis… 

Dorang rajin memasak n tapau pi opis.. .nda pun membeli makanan … siokk ka nada kawan cam dorang ???

Everyday sa took bus ulang alik balik rumah …everyday juga his sister kept telling me that ajin did asked about me.. 

Ada tu dia beli satu kuih pau …n dunno la maybe his sis yg tulis or him…got one small note saying “just for you, from Rien Jin”

Even if benda tu suma fake…sa still senyum2…

He even bought me two cups of instant Maggie…for my meal at work .

Sehh ..

Sa rasa tu kerja adik dia puunn ~ tapi sa ambik juaa… 

(perasan sendiri kan_)toinggg~

Okay back to my story …kami sampai km dengan muka mengantuk at 3pm like that… mum greet us with hot milo and jagung bakar…. Yummeh ~~~! 

Kami crita2 then we go for the aktiviti menjolok mangga … 

Hahhaahhaha sa dapat imagine o balik …tu mangga jatuh2 pastu kami teriak2 each time mangga jatuh .. .efek EXCITEMENT tu ba ~ terlebih excited suda kan ~~ 

Wkwkkwkwmemang lucu la..n this is my first time of this whole few month sa Nampak gaya mummy cam remaja balik …dia hampir2 p panjat tu pokok mangga gara2 geram mo ambik mangga,.. 

Ada la dalam satu kotak hasil kami bertiga…

Went inside the house , laughing happily.. 

Took shower…. And we were all off to pasar malam ..kami dine in jak di luar… 

Malas masak …mummy pun faham juga tu kami penat… thanks mum …

She brought us around ..after meal ..

Kasi tgk sis dieya tu pekan yg ndak seberapa ituhh ~ hahhaa

Suppose to be hari ni bah tu rehearsal dengan sis suky … tp sa suda text dia …n ngam2 digi ada problem then maybe dia nda dapat contact sa balik … 

Sa kinda dilemma juga la… cos sa rasa cam lepas tangan…tp cemana juga if people cannot be contacted. 

So ada la masa sa luang dengn family sendiri malam neh 

Meanwhile … hati sa kuat mo suruh sa cari c ajin …tp sa balik2 ignore tu feeling… 

Sa happy cam neh ~ 

Even balik ruma sendiri tu d  cost me a whole lot of money everyday tp sa try la mo idup teda dependent sama sepa pun .. 

I planned a lot of things… n about that safety officer thingy …mummy didn’t allow me to go further than the place she can reach in sabah …so I think …I cannot take that offer ..

Sad juga tapi kerja tu kan boleh dapat di mana2,

So I think I shud trust myself.. I could have a better offer next time. 

Amennn bilang~

Hehe … 

Sa crita banyak dengan sis dieya neh hari … I never thought that she also have lotsa of things she has been thru…jadi sa pun kinda bersyukur yg sa masih idup juga walaupun makan ati ..

Sa sayang dorang… sa sayang semua yg ada untuk sa… I love sis dieya.. .she is a strong girl …

I hope she will get a better life soon ..

Dui bersyukur la kita ba …even benda tu menyakitkan… tp we ever had it in our hands. Once… 

I appreciate all of it … haiz mengantuk pula….  

Thinks that imma go to bed now then .. 

XoXo .. .ciaoz 

back home.

today after work i'm coming home to my house. Since 31st pula tu i stay at i.p... Sa beli ikan lagi hari nie... Ehe... Ni kali lagi banyak berbanding yg sebelum ini. Kesian tu ikan yg dulu sa teda jaga baik2 trusss jadi arwah... RiP fishes...

Erm... There's a reason why i going back here... I wanna have some space between me and him... i hate my self for being so not me. Hoho..

I know he need spaces juga ... 24hr menghadap sa... Boring lah tu. I m sure chabey them also wanna spend time with him even at night. Sa budu ba... Sa suruh lagi jin bwa pi rumah, kasi jumpa ja sa cakap... Budu kan? Even i know i might naik gila... Tapi sa penat main ne game. All those tears laugh and hypocricity... Duiii im growing up not getting childish,, i dont understand why guys are hard to be matured thinker, ... Sa mauu betul benda ni suma jadi nitemare seja. But this is real life.

Friends told me, have a self control of ur own mind. Stop being so farking soft hearted. Coz things wont change ..

Well, thing is... Sa sayang dia.. Its hard to act when our heart still wont want stop..

Macam mana bergaduh teruk teruk pun, either me or him , still will find each other back ...

But with this condition now... Sa imagine if those othr girl is in my shoes... Dorang nda rasa mcm budu ka tu? Sa rasa gara2 sayang, sa jadi orang yg jarang guna function rational thinking sa... Rather than peduli hati sendiri , i rather being a puppet. -budu kan??

Hurmmmm... Msti after hantar sa, he'll be seeing that other girl. Ba... Good luck ja kamu ahh...

Time keja tadi... Sa laju2 buat keja coz mau balik awal. Lajuu sampai target tu melebihi yg sepatutnya.. Proud of myself..

Cerita di tempat keja x pandai habis2. Since sa praktikal, sa dapat pengalaman yg kalau kita dalam comfort zone, ada jak orang yg nda puas hati...

Ada jak orang yg mau kasi jatuh kita,,, mum ever told me, no matter what setting of environment are we in, we need to be down to earth and never forget who we are. Dalam hal keja,sa rasa sa kadang2 pandai panas sendiri if orang tu kacauuu comfort zone sa... Susa mo control emosi. Tapiii...satu hal yg sa nda bleh elak ,Jealousy. I believe every girl / guy do have ths kind of emotion..

Even ajin spent whole time with me, each time he took 'his' time suda, jealousy is there, macam tu volcano yg suda masakkk mau keluar muntah lagi...

Herm... Friends told me to open my heart to other guy... Lols... Sa rasa ... Sa rasa la... I rather have a tommy boy than a real guy. Tu la... Sa nda mau.. Silap lagi. Dont wanna break othr heart..gilakk... Urm... Am i being too obvious? Yea. I am... Sa gila. I know. When all this madness gonna stop? no idea.

Sometimes i could imagine tat this is gonna end and he will be far from me. I dont like the thought bt i know, always expect problem over happiness.

So maybe .. I can . Hoho .

Eishh merapuuu jak keja. Tadi me, sis dieya n ajin , having dinner by eating kfc.then crita2 skejap...then sa urus ikan...there are ten of them semuanya.. Simpan dalam container besar,, ehe, siookkk tengok ikan. I love fish as pet. I even love to eat fish..

Haha

Now we baring2 dy.. He went home shortly after dinner..

So tomorrow zu is going back to study, early in the morning, sa nda dpt ikut .. But the whole month spent time with her n sis miku , is happy moments. I cannot imagine if i lost contact with them. Sa sayang dorg mcm siblings sendiri.. tp mana dapat ramal future kan.. Hope she will have a good trip.

Rainy night. Sejuk lagi. I think i wanna watch my pets and im off to bed.

Sorry la sa merapu teda filter2 lagi.,sa gilak suda. Huhu.

Goood nite

hi blog.

Life's hard without internet. Lol.

Bz dgn keja bz dgn life bz dgn problem.. Rinduuu maw blogging blogging. . .rinduu gilakk. . . Haha budu.

Cerita di tempat kerja : geng pipop skarang anti dgn geng pingu . . Sebab unta putih,penguin n maggie pink suka menyibuk, trepp yg dorang ne boss lah apa lah. Pastu c gay dgn c nobita tu memang kami tau lah kaki report n kaki putar crita. . .tiap2 hari tpaksa berdepan dgn muka2 hipokrit dorg. .dlam diam ada ja benda n kesalahan yg dicari.. Sarip, m nasir, timah,zul, n maher suma pun ndak suka benda yg begini. Tapi tidak apa la. . .even kami banyak pressure d tmpat keja ,ada jg moment2 yg best. ( too bad i don't have pictures ) . Kawan2 rajin bw makanan, n ada ja kawan yg buat kami suma ketawa. BEST .So far, sa still enjoy dgn keja ni. Lagi2 kerja dgn benda faveret. Ouh btw sory to my gay,vivie coz i didn't tell you the truth bout my job. i just don't want to give a cold feeling that i got my job and you have not. We had promised to stick together after graduate tapi keadaan masing-masing yg bagi halangan. . You with your boyfie, me with ajin. . . Oh but sa happy bila dea bgtau yg dea ada keja with go0d salary ! .gud gud. Hoho. In less than a year imma make sure that i wil have a good savings . Amen bilanggg. . .

Story bout my life:

Hidup macam nomad. Haha .pindah sana, pindah sini. I kept moving from my place to ajin's .. Then since i'm lack time to online.. I felt so limited to my phone. Good thing it is a smartphone. Bole jg online,blogging, tweeting n etc etc. . . Since raya the 2nd that i fled. . .makin makin makin banyak complicated things yg berlaku. . . Ikan sa pla jadi arwah, sebab sa bg tinggal d rumah putatan. .sigh . :c

Then, with God's grace, Dia hantar my sis Dieya to me. She moved in to my house, get a job and yeah i have companion . But dea pun ada prob with boyfie, so keadaan kami lebih kurang seja ba. Kebanyakan masa pun sa ada fikiran mau give up dengan life tapi ajin always said he is with me, just let him enjoy life. So far life sa ada jg timing2 depression... Time alone macam2 bole terfikir ... Haha. Orang pun bosan bah tgk keadaan sa. Nevermind la, sa pun no idea suda dengan benda yg tjadi..

Now sa bngun awl dunno wat to do... Story2 with uncle n aunty ja... Makan cheese cake c uni... Well, i think i wanna wake him up la. Mau p pecah laju dulu...

Have a nice day! CiaozZz

BATMAN TARIS2 BIRU

dear chabey, u forgot ur underwear at his place. As i was cleaning his room i found out it was put in a place, unwashed. Gross. Better you take it back. You are a girl. Don't humiliate yourself.