I know its worth the wait. #faith

And so mr.crush and me. Even we're good but i think its just me. Im becoming a diff person towards him and being so cold hearted suddenly. I dont know. Maybe becuz i am lack of empathy needs.

I understand his situation. I know july wont be that long to wait. I know i can endure the pain. But his act .... really drives me crazy.


I dont know if he know im so into him. Everything. Okay. We met lots of time and yes he treats me differently from vee n eyca.

So maybe im the only one who take it like that?


Then whats all that fight and attention and care that we had ? Im confuse and almost giving up at d same time . Well he never try to say the word first. He told me he dont know how to show it.


Mummy ever told me. To be with a special guy... u need to understand him and dont be the same girl like other. Yup.... i dont know my life always bump into a guy which is hard to understand.


Like white ghost. His mom told me im d only girl that he actually showed his true color to and still i can bear him .i think so. I understood his attitude mind and behavior. Favorite and hates.


Naaayh... i dont wanna compare.i will keep our memories to my grave. He is irreplacable. But as a human... we cant be a loner. At least another human as a companion. Neither dog..nor a cat.... or any other animal could take that place.


But i am lonely. I do have lots of friends and family. But ...yeah basically im lonely. Back home... looking at vee and eyca with their own thing... talking on the phone with their boyfriends... and im left with my game and my teddy.


I think it is true. The person who laugh the most is the loneliest. Um... my happiness were boost up only during at work with  my friends.  But since im a quite a dummy person... sometimes when they were joking with me i took it seriously. But i never keep it in heart. Trying to adapt with people's nature as good as possible . Becuz i understand sometime people didnt think before act. Im one of them  too. But saya budu ba sy tidak pandai bgurau tidak pandai bercakap mcm dorg... tidak pandai membuli...haih... im an alien. #sadasfuq



But i woke up ni pasal sy dapat message dari mr.crush. we last texted while im still at work at 7pm tadi kemarin. Then i back home i decided not to find him. It feels so cold inside me. Well maybe im just tired. Mommy says that dont be a girl that needs a man. Make it the other way around instead.


Ya betul tu mum....so i went to sleep before midnite. Without looking for him or telling him that im home. So..As i woke up... i saw his text " shoney" "i miss you"
 Words.★
 Guy really know how to manipulate.
I dont know whether he is drunk  or what. But these words moves me. :) im smiling ..well at least i crossed your mind kan serizawa.

So i replied a bunch of msg back to him. And now im on blogger.hehee writing all about my feeling.


 Oh and another thng is that... mother's day.


I called mum frequently. We talked . But i miss to hug her so much. I dont know what  shud i give her on mother's and teacher's day. But i hope i will come up with something. Ehe... everyday is a mother's day
No need to wait for the date to show our appreciation.do it everyday. As we grow up our parents are growing old. Keep that in mind.


So imma wait for mum to come here nxt week... ^^

Will try my best to spend time with them.



Ok i shud go back to sleep now. Jap lagi mau p kerja.


Saya sayang apa yg sy ada pernah ada n masih ada....maybe thats my nature. Fragile and love too much. :)

God helps me to live in this cruel word.


And to mr.crush...thanks for giving back a lil faith in me and us. I will wait till july ends. In meantime i promise i wont show u my weakness and sadness.. for lily, and u.



#hugs


Ciaoz


.

Blogging tonite

I got alot and alot aand alot of things to say. I dont know where to start and how to begin. Im happy and sad at the same time now.

Ok  so maybe imma do it this way. One story per paragraph. Lol. . Like doing essay



So...here goes nothing ^^...

#my life as in my daily routine :
▶ as an employee of a full time job.... im takin full time of 14hours of working daily. Yes . I am a busy busy busy person now. Im lack of time to chill and to relax.  Life.pushes me to do so. Talked to mummy recently. She complaints bout her needs and prob. I was sad becuz  i dont know how to help her that time. But i determined to work full time o.t every day... so i could help her.  Its alrite if my other priority need to be put aside. Family first.

friends at work :ohsemm . They were great and having them in my life merely fulfilled my empty heart and thus not making me feel so lonely after all.

Take pics with them every day and laugh with them .

I just loved them .without them i dont know how am i going to bear my work ...stressful and stuffy. I have been working seven days in a week since last week. Multitasking ... its tiring as fuck i can tell. Becuz everytime i reached home. I fall asleep on the floor. Im a dead panda .sleeping without bothering what am i sleeping on  

. .

So yeah thats my routine. 

#my life after work ^^

▶ I spend time at home with my wifeys. Eyca and vee. These two ladies are the closest to me now. Whatever things we are together. Even we fought sometimez. So here is the part that i wanted to tell . About somebody called diana. So yeah we were close close friends before. We share things and talk like siblings and we had lots of thing in common.its like your other half. I sayang her as much as i sayang myself.but here is the thing. After that slight chatfight conversation which i had already apologized becuz i am truly sorry for what had happened ..she said... kasi limpas lah tu... so okay.. and i thot she was okay with me. But dafuq that we met. She TREATS ME LIKE A DOG. I TRIED TO TALK TO HeR AND YEA NOT EVEN A SINGLE SENTENCE COME OUT FROM HeR MOUTH. she treat me as if wind blows by her. She even give me that look. That mad eyebrows look. So okay. As i knew i did my part.... its okay if ppl like her cannot tolerate at all. childish as a matter of fact. So to be fair enuf... since i felt like being a dog to her... so i decided to put her away from my life.  I forgave her and take the blame about what had happened. But i wont entertain people who actually displease me and wasting my time and giving hatred towards me. I think this actually make her happy kan.  Becuz i can feel so much hatred of her to me.so yeah. Another human become a total stranger to me. Sokay. Life is so so short to even bother about ppl who give me a fuck up feeling. And yeah now my.life continues... daily routine chillin with wifeys and yeah spend my life with these blessings.

I decided it that way  .

. I realized that some hard feelings do occur but we all love our friendship more than our ego . I dont know bout what they think bout me. But if i have to fight people for our frenship... i would. I love my wifeys . Alot. And very much. 

#my personal life. 

▶ when im started being an emo... its spells b.o.r.i.n.g to me. Being a sad person is boring. But what the hell... im just being myself. When im happy or when im sad.no need to hide my true color.im a grown up already. It depends on people whether they can tolerate with me or not.

So as months passed by.... i had myself a crush. The one im talking about in my previous post.lol. he is somewhat a special guy to me. And never in my life ever ... met any guy with personality like him before. Yeap... i had a crush . So the thing is ... we became closer than friends but never yet declare or whatsoever. So i assumed that im the only one who had that vibe and not him  . Its alrite.tho. but... since his problem came and lingers around...we started to have shyt. And yea its becuz of another girl.ughhh... so the funny part is that... everytime i told myself not to find him and suddenly he look for me first.And when we had a slight fight ... each of us will see whose ego are bigger. And yes i always lose to him . I liked him so so much that i cant stand to be mad at him   for long... so.. since saturday nite till now we didnt contacted. So i was worried sick about him. And... i knelt and said say my prayer . I prayed for him and our precious lily. I dont want to lost them both but if we arent fated to be together its alrite. I dont know how to hate and i fall in love easily but i stick to one. I dont know why im being so emo that my tears drops.and as im getting ready to sleep...suddenly my phone rang.Ohh my ...it was him hahahhahahahhahahahaha ... gawdd... my prayer has been answered. He apologized to me and explained.so he actually make it up for me. I already know #neverlosthope is the key. And #appreciate. ^^ so we're good again now. I know i need to wait for his problems to be settled. I want to have lily so much i could waitt  . I believe God will make a way. Amen

#surprising moments [white ghost]

▶ i saw his car at api api centre. So fucking many times 

And i always get that slight heart attack whenever i saw his car. So i know he Has a new girl on the block . I could imagine that that gir is hugging him happily sleeping beside him or chillin whatsoever .... with him . But never again imma let myself down. I dont wanna be an option or a shadow. Not anymore. Past has taught me in d hard way to live like that now i kenoot tahan ... plus i had a new crush that become my happiness and pain in the neck now. So i told myself ...DO NOT BOTHER TO KNOW OR CHECK on him . Even if i could. His family still asks me to come over their place to hang out and  i missed them so so so much. :( but sometimes... we need to just let things go. The scar he left on me is very deep im scared it might gonna bleed again .  I moved on from him to jer and from jer to standing up on my own . Well thanks to jer i forgot alot bout my past. .. and now my crush has helped me to get my pain towards jeremy*s doing to vanish completely. Yes. Cross my heart. I felt pathethic for jer for not holding me on and took me for granted. I made mummy cried before when i made my own choice to go with jer so i think i deserves this punishment. A guy who actually really set me up alive.well what the hell . I forgive him too ^^ I prayed and wish the best of luck for them. Im just being thankful for all the memories they had given to me . #reminiscing. Memories never dies. And if someday i am gona bump into any of these two... im willing to not giving any hatred. Who know ... we might gonna work at the same place together ??kan... so im ready to live with my problems. Even to those girls ... i decided to do the same.

Tee hee ♡

So what else am i going to talk about ?? Oh yeah... bout my posts in here. ...most of them i have put in my drafts. Keep it hidden. I re read my post from a-z...all of em have no censor at all..wkwkwk impact of too much negative emotion.

So most of my post has been set to hidden now. Sokay la that..

Oh and by the way imma put my pic here as a wrap ... haha been so excited to write till i dont realized its another five hours before i need to wake up!!! Lol.

Hurm ... latest news is about the general election 13. I was overwhelmed with the  unacceptable  result but what can we do ..that fucktard laju2 pi jumpa sultan to angkat sumpah. My bottom line for him is 《DIRTIEST ELECTION EVER IN HISTORY》 ... EVEN this issue has become a world concern . I pray that the bravers will do something about it. We all wanted to CHANGE. So lets just hope for the best, aite ??^^ amen.

Hahaha ...  ok i think thats shud be a good essay by now. Please ... to whoever that might passed by and read this... do not judge me or giving harsh commentt . Do not even try to spread . This is my blog so im free to talk whatsoever  

. But ... we cannot stop or shut person's mouth. And hopefully nobody is offended 

#iownnothing.

Ciaoz

Define sadness

It all started with a photo in my instagram. And betrayal. And privacy violation. And thus. I lost one precious friend ever in my life. Another one is slipping away.
Define sadness. It is an emotion that u hd and u cannot even talk about it. U cannot even describe it by words. Only by tears. And gasping for air. Define sadness. Sadness is the loneliness that u felt even when u are in the crowd. Coldness in ur backbone and ur hand shivers.. shaking while typing and tears are dropping down ur cheeks.

Define sadness. Sadness is what u felt when something inside you shuts off. The feeling of rejection and isolation among your group.
I dont know how to describe how sad i am at this moment.i had it long long time before. Nd d day that jeremy left i told myself i wont allow this matter to reduce me into another living corpse like before.

I am so so so sad that i had to make d decision for other people. Its for sake of that someone.so i had  to sacrifice my own feeling . Becuz im not taking time to hate anymore. I just wanted to appreciate. And be appreciated. But not all thing that we planned happen as we wanted it to be.

Sometimes the worst thing and the bad thing is the right thing to do.i made a difficult decision just now so that people wont be worrying about me already. I have to. Pretend that i was.strong enuf to face it. Somehow i.told.myself it is a right thing to do. Its alrite sean. You are strong enuf to face such small matter. I know how important that person is to me. Thats why i chose not to burden .not another one.

Haha . Life is beautiful anyway. Its amazing when everything starts with a simple hello And become the hardest goodbye. But like mumy told me... dont regret for.letting go of somebody that you love.
Sad on sad. Happy on happy.F

So yeah.if you are meant to be with the person u loved... nothing can change it. I hope good things will happen. For now.. im moving one step forward and see if i could wait. All the best sean.


I pray . :)

Oh

Semuaaaa orang tanya fb sa mna suda.... mummy daddy pun tanya knp sa hilanggg.... haiguu... bukan sa yg kena risau...tp fb sa bah ygkena risau... fine... im on fb again by today. Apa mau jadi... kasi jadi la...bahahaha... puas hati semuaaa org. Muah muah !♡♥♡♥♥


Ok ciaozzz !

Hehehe^^

Hello good morning

 ^^

Saya happy ni kemarin 

Twas a fullblast celebration

Kawan is getting married yesterday 

But we only can  congratulate him from here

Hehe owh wow tahun ni ja berapa bulan seja sudah berlalu

Ramai kawan kawan sudah kasi end up zaman bujang diorg

Hehe kalau yg macam kita kita ni...better dont first

:)

Sa berfikir

Not every person that having a relationship could be happy

Some were Actually single and satisfied

Hehe

 Okay 

Now another phrases frm my beautiful girlfriend bee bee is..

Not every beautiful people are happy being in a relationship. 

She say we are among those. 

Haha 

Sa sumantik kah juga?

Bah kasi eya jak la

Week passed.

I am breathing happily 

Semalam sa happy sebab serizawa cakap sa nda besar. I have a big frame thats all. 

Sa santiik dia bilang. Gee pun cakap kalu urg tu ikhlas mo sama kita dia mauuu seja tuh.

Haha 

Aiya. 

Dear sad people out there

I know we are having this tiring life and situation around

But keep urself reallly down to earth

Be hhmble

Jadi lah pemaaf

And never neglect GOd ..family and friends. They mght cannot help you

With your problem.

But they can ease those pain even just a bit

Sa pray banyaaak

Sa tau teda guna membenci or membalas

This is the last stage of us human race

We pay for what we do

Same like karma

Only worst thing will roll over

Kamu nda takut Tuhan kah?

Masa kamu buat jahat

Hohh

I fear oh

Sa teda masa suda mo kumpul2 sa punya jahat ni

Haha 

Haiihh

Tapi tu jak la 

Each time i was at my lowest

Prayer faith and effort yg boleh membantu sa. 

Family n friends are the best remedy.

Anddd.... do learn to stand up on our own feet. Ok?

Wkwkw haiya rugi oh people took me for granted. 

I swear i Can make people hppy 

And hate me

Depends.

Hihi 

Sa bersyukur sa kena bagi hidup yg baaanyak dugaan n pemberian 

In one time. 

Thanks GOd.

Off to work baby ~♡♥ 

Ciaoz !!

DEAR JEREMY MCNORMAN

The best thing ever happened to me in my 20's : you

The best moment i remember about you : having u beside me

Soon after waking up in the morning .

How u making me happy : by doing nothing.  As i remembered your name n thinks about u.. my heart blossoms.. :) i love you

Cute things that you did for me : playing guitar and sing songs for me. And wrapping thAt money note into heart-shaped .n gave it to me. ^^

Things i cant forget ever : having u knelt down and proposed to me to be your girlfriend. Meeting your family.  looking at my finger as u put that ring into it. Eating breakfast with u and dinner. Cooking for u and seeing u eat it happily.. None. I forget none about you.


What makes me cry : you. Those bitches who attacked me and when i missed you when u are not around.

What makes me cant be mad towards you : simply by when u saying that u loved and missed me so.


 What i loved about u : your smile.. and your fragrance. And your voice.everything about you.


What makes me sad : when ellly wanda n ain came in and interrupted our happy relationship



You know... i am not gonna  mad about everything that had happened. Choices. It is all about choices .

I appreciated everything about us.. i misses us :'))

Well to those girls... maybe they can laugh now but only GOd can judge. 

I done nothing wrong in this relationshp so i know i will be just fine.

So perhaps  those rumors were true huh? I only can  say that i assumed that he is drunk by that time. And elly is a spoiled girl. But i think chemistry does have a role in this,aint it ? Go ahead girls. Do as u like. Stab me and kill me a thousand times. But i will make sure imma stay alive and keep moving on. All i know is jeremy took my heart away and still have it.

 Sokay... i pray hard that all these gonna be better . Very soon. God bless you haters.



Ciaoz.

                                         P/s : i♡jeremy^^

Happy happy ^^

Hehe...its my day out again with my friends. Sa heppy sebab sa masih ada dorg yg sntiasa di sisi sa.  Start from noon to late evening im always on the go. Nice nice ^^
Hehe

That is emut. She's one of my girlfriends.  Kami jalaaaaaan sampai sakit kaki .. sebab mau p survey price gadget n beli2 gadgets. Fun day luhh... sebab sa nda stress kalu sa ada benda mo buat.

Stress bah tu di tempat kerja. Ngee...


N i am happy sebab today mummy called and talked to me. The first question she gave is about my dear jeremyy tee hee... sa hepy. Nda tau kenapa saa heppy. Im just happy tat mummy concern bout him...aww... ♡♥♡♥♡♥♥
And im happy too becuz he is getting better with his career. Ehehe i pray everyday for him. I pray that may God be always with him and that he is guided to the right path and no bad things gonna happened and that God will protect him close to Him when i am very much far apart and when i am not around. #i♡jeremy

Hehe... im happy to becuz i gave a reward to myself. Mummy ever said.. Dont let ur tears wasted for people that doesnt know how to appreciate u
 Every single tears that fall for the pain we felt... someday the person will had its payback.let GOd judges.

We went around and stay at many places.
. Paling2 pun pasal mo curi wifi seja.. haha.. betul2 wordless saturday oh.im happy that i get all this blessing. My mum... my dear jeremy... my dear girlfriends ..my dear guy friends... and all my haters...

Jehe im playing with my faces. Fenattt sua masa tu...nasib bek dpt tahan lg . Semalam x dapat tidur sampai 4am. Insomnia yg makin mnjadi2. Uhh..

Kami tunggu yg lain cuz dorg keja sampai petang. Huu

.. kalu sa ...sa nda tahan ouh kerja ari2 

..ergghhh tpi kalu ada tanggungan suda... begitu lah yg sepatutnya kan..

Hihi...im blogging thru my phone. Susa jg tp wat to do ..#SORRY FOR ALL THE DAMN TYPOS

 Ehehe... so we went back in the evening... happily reach home and waited jeremy back from church. ♡

 Sa macam kena hypnotized ni... i love to mention his name in every word. Love him much... huhu ...even if sa kehilangan dia maybe nxt time...sa bersyukur seja sebab he is the best thing ever happened to me. I love him :))♡ it is truE

..

Sa mo thank you sama tu tondu yg suka attack sa

.. sa harap dia start la menghargai orang yg dia sayang kalu dia kena balasan suda. K elly? U maybe happy kalu sa kena ketawa sana sini kan. But yeah... choices in on every each of us. Sa pernah kena attack dari internet sebelum2 ni. So sa ok seja dgn yg baru ni. If i dont have haters then there is something wrong with me. Anyway to this girl elly i hope she can have the feeling yg mcam mana kalu dia punyya org kesygan kena kacau. Amen. Karma is always there. Tapi maybe len kali lah kan?? Sa mau diam ja skg. Childish bah begitu tu. Kasi bagi seja la org buat jahat. 

I think im amazing cuz i always kena benda macam ni when i started to have a happy life..but with faith prayer and effort ... sa survive lagi. 

My heart suda decide. Jadi i wont run Away. Hehe 

♡[iwontgiveup]

 Hehe..  ok la wanna charge my hp dlu. Enuf suda sa merapu...cau cincaU dlu la... hehe ciaozz.

Ps: i♡JEREMY.:)