Kanasai

KANASAI . 

Hahahahahahaha …shoney shoney … so this is how imma end up my life in the 20’s . 

Thank you for everything..

I don’t expect that imma cry this much . fuck . I really fell in love once again .  and hurt at the same time. Well well im so very fragile. This is my last effort and my last hope. But. Is there any hope anymore? YES . for me, there is.

Calm down sean. You can face this. Dear love , I can accept you at your best and take you at your worst. By the way, I aint 15. I am not relying on puppy love anymore. 

I don’t care who you are. I don’t care how I might gonna feel. But yeah, truly am crying while doing this. Why am I still in the mood of writing ? becuz… I don’t think there is anyone  that willing to listen to me. Crying to the max and hold on. 

…. Haha.  Shit. Saya betul2 sayang dia o. bodoh . sakit gilak . tapi sa nemaw mengalah. Sorry I can  NOT  let go. 

…all I can say to myself is that … sex is aint everything. Im not looking for someone  TO be my love rebound. NOPE. Stop thinking like you’re not matured yet. 

Its okay. Its really okay. Sa tidak mau fikir. Cos.. if we didn’t appreciate all the moments that we had..we will never know when its time for us to regret . and till that  time, I must be regretted that I let you go, kan JYE . 

Kanasai. I knew I will face this once again . why ? sebab ini lah dunia. Manusia .and perasaan.

We cannot control it. 

Kenapa la orang cakap dia jahat mcam mana pun,… kalau sudah sayang… kita anggap macam angin seja tu kan? Hahha bodoh baaaaah!!!!!

Saya ada hak kah rasa sedih ne? manusia juga kah saya ne? sya harap ada orang yg boleh jaga sy. Treat me as a human being. I don’t want friends. I mean. Not this part.
 I want somebody that I could cuddle with, hug, and share my happiness and sadness and all .

Dear love.. . if its really true pun I dont care.. I know you also don’t want it.. im the reason why. And im willing to face it.. tengok lah nie… saya ada lagi bah fikiran mau kasi terus idup … 

I ever face with an asshole that ever called me a whore a total  bitch and everything that you cannot imagine of. But now?  That person kept coming back to me  again n again. Sebab dia tau dia salah n dia tau dia tidak dapat kasi betul tu keadaan. though i even have mistakes pun i will face it and settle it then if i cant i'll live with it. Jye, cant you see i am sincerely willing to be with you ?

As for me… I took all my sadness before and turn it into a solid feeling and now this. This is my last last last effort that I’ll put on love. Cos I don’t know if I can face this thing once again .HEARTBROKEN. please . get it off my life. 

Lepas ni kalu saya gagal lagi .. bah … totally sa tidak taw suda lah bah . apa itu  ehl ouv ve ee 

I don’t see you as someone that people label as … *** . you’re somebody that I want. I want everything that you have . I mean you are what I want. Before kita kenal pun , you sure  have your own dark story kan .. I know its hard for any of us to let go or change in to someone new. 

Saya sudah pernah ada relation yg bertahun2. Maybe that’s why I have to learn how to love again. Sebab saya sudah biasa kena buat macam anjing . 

This time I don’t wanna let myself to fall down again .i wanna be the happiest  homosapien ever be . PLEASE,be with me can ? 

If im standing alone… then …  so be it .i cannot force too much . sooner or later pun if that person wanna abandon me, sure they’ll walk away . 

Sakiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit gilaaaaaaaaaaak !!!!!!!!!!.

 sakit sakit sakit sakit. Kenapa saya tidak pengsan ni. Kenapa tidak koma kah . hahahhahaha kenapa sy perlu rasa ini ? pakiiewwww … bodoh . eh mnyumpah  sudah bah .. .bah eya la… 

Maybe this is what im fated to be. Saya kebal sudah ni . 

Tidak kisah lah bah tu . apa seja tu . haha . bodoh . saya sayang bah ini orang. Sayang n cinta dia lagi . duhh . 

If I die kan . I want . I want.  God to bless my tomb . cuci la dosa sa. Sa tidak dapat sudah ni angkat lagi apa2 obstacles yg DIA bagi . I mean this part . not another heart break . God please don’t let me face this alone. Kalau ya pun , U send me one pet kah …one moment yg can boost up my self esteem kah … kan ? tulung bah .saya belum mau mati ouw..

Tapi sakit betul oh kan ? hahahhahahahahhahahahahhahahah IM HEARTLESS BAH remember. Saya bowleyh hadapi ne. boleh . eyah boleh . 

*JYE